Puppeteers
by spero spiro
Summary: AU. Kenshin's growing feelings for Kaoru are destroyed with the arrival of a man who claims her as his fiancee, causing him to realize that his 'friendship' with his landlady means much more than he thought. Chapters 1 & 2 edited and reposted.
1. The Curtain Rises

**Puppeteers **

**Note: This is the second version of Puppeteers! I'm very glad to have finally found time to sit down and edit all the mistakes I missed, or didn't take the time to fix before it was posted. It was a very stressful time for me, and I'm glad I'm going to get to relive this story, because it was a wonderful, wonderful piece of my past. Please enjoy this new, fixed-up version!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. I swear. Don't sue me. This disclaimer will not be repeated, and counts for the rest of the story.**

**Chapter 1 – The Curtain Rises v. 2**

Call me crazy, but I knew something was going to happen the day I met Kaoru. It was common sense that something would happen on my return to a big city, but not something like this. Sanosuke thinks I'm silly, Aoshi thinks I'm mental, and Misao thinks I'm the most romantic guy alive.

If she only knew...

But I had it coming to get attacked by someone who thought I was... well, me, for crimes I couldn't have committed with my odd little sword. I knew something would happen, but all those things didn't even cross my mind as my hands were immersed in soapy water, happily scrubbing at some article of someone's clothing.

I still don't know why, but doing laundry serves its purpose to humble me and give me a sense of pride in seeing that I can conquer the big things, like the Shinsengumi, and the little things, like getting some obscure stain out of Kaoru's kimono.

But not even things like that were crossing my mind. A dreamlike reverie had me tight in its clutches when a yell resounded from the gate, which woke me from my fierce determination and concentration.

Like I said, laundry soothes me.

"Kaoru-anata!" The honorific alone was enough to jolt me back to life, as though someone had dropped a jellyfish on my hand. Even Sanosuke stared in open shock at the man who stood proudly in the yard I had come to call home.

Regardless of my surprise, I blinked in my most innocent rurouni-ish way. I must have looked ridiculously stupid, soapy bubbles that had brought many smiles from my landlady and her doctor's grandchildren dripping from my hands, until I shook them off and bowed deeper then anyone could ever hope to. I wanted to make myself seem as lowly as possible.

"May I help you?" I asked politely, mind still reeling from this man—no, he was a boy now that I saw him closer—from this _boy's_ undeniably intimate knowledge of _my_ Kaoru.

I mentally berated myself for that particular slip of thought. Whether anyone liked it or not, Kaoru was not mine. She never would be, I was sure.

The man cast his eyes over to my old clothing, obviously disapproving. I could feel it in his ki, which was not at all hidden. I wasn't the greatly feared Hitokiri Battousai for looking pretty with a sword in my hands, I could _feel_ it on him.

After a moment's consideration, he nodded. "I'm looking for Kamiya Kaoru… the assistant master of the dojo." He seemed to add the final bit for the idiocy he felt I was displaying.

I'm may be an idiot, yes, but not so much that I miss disdain when it's all over a man… especially one who has no experience in cloaking such feelings. My smile never once wavered, but irritation was enough to stir my sleeping alternate persona. "I will inform Kaoru-dono that she has a visitor," I replied, emphasis on the '-dono' I so detested using.

"No, I will," He stopped me, exaggerating his authority over me by giving me a slight bow and beginning his march toward the dojo.

Sanosuke approached me with a look of intense dislike causing his brow to wrinkle and furrow. "Who the hell was that?" He demanded of no one in particular.

Shrugging, I began to hang my clean clothes on the lines outside the house. "Not my business."

Sano snorted. "Hell it isn't," He growled.

I smiled as innocently as I possibly could with my head throbbing and spinning with possibilities the way it was. "Ah… Sanosuke... I'm just going to get started on dinner," Drying my hands on my gi, I walked across the yard without another word toward him. When he was out of earshot, I sighed, all the relaxation I'd gained from doing laundry vaporized. The gnawing at my stomach was growing and I held back a grimace and began to calmly chop vegetables.

Kaoru's melodic voice rose and fell like a song to the words I didn't make out clearly from a nearby room.

I had no claim to her, even though the faint stirrings in my heart couldn't be explained away as a dangerous heart condition. I sighed and dropped the knife onto the counter, running a delicate hand through my red tresses. Oh, let's count the ways I felt unworthy.

First, there was my past; second, I'd been married. Yes, _that_ had been consummated. Third, I had absolutely no financial means to take care of her. I closed my eyes and let the other side of me help to handle the situation. I relaxed, feeling Battousai rise just enough to make it possible to release my myriad of pent-up emotions. Sometimes I wondered if he was more open and capable to dealing with my emotions and feelings than I was.

My eyes were probably fading to molten gold from innocent lavender. Surely it was a creepy look, but I was cooking and no one would be coming in to bother me, unless they wanted something from me. If I changed my mindset, if only for a bit, I hoped that it would release me from anything that might overwhelm my rurouni violet with the amber of the more emotional and unstable Battousai. If I did that... well, I hoped I wouldn't have too many instances where the latter completely broke free.

I forced my hands to work, preparing something I wasn't even sure of. It was simply amazing how routine could be screwed up so much, but I could still cook dinner with my head in the clouds and wrapped around whatever new problem faced me.

The voices were laughing and I sighed. My heart beat faster and a girlish blush tinted my cheeks, which only elicited a long sigh from me. I was acting like a twelve-year-old with a crush and I paid dearly for my inattention to the cooking, slicing the knife directly into the flesh of my finger. The squeak of pain that followed was quickly cut off as blood slid down my finger.

Cursing uncharacteristically, I yanked my finger away to avoid bloodying my beautifully chopped vegetables and seized a scrap of cloth from heaven knows where, to bind the wound, stop the heavy bleeding, and serve as a bandage. I turned around, hands planted on my hips, pondering precisely what I was going to make.

I couldn't have looked more like a housewife if I tried, and Sanosuke was quick to tell me so from his position at the door to the kitchen.

I scowled, knowing well that the gold in my eyes was long gone at the sound of someone else in the room.

Sano laughed again, but his glance out the window as I returned to the cooking space told me he had something on his mind. "Kenshin?" His voice had lowered significantly; a good indication I should too.

"Aa?" I replied, pulling tofu out of the bucket and slicing it carefully.

"I heard some stuff in there..." He was avoiding something that he thought would upset me, but Sanosuke was never one for keeping the truth from someone who should know it.

I nodded, pretending that it didn't matter. "So?"

"I want to know how you'd feel if the guy was... romantically involved with Kaoru."

I sat down the knife patiently, hiding a deeper, darker side of me that wanted to use that knife for chopping more than just vegetables. "Sanosuke, I've only known her for ten months."

Sano raised an eyebrow, hardly believing my quiet façade. "And?"

"And that's hardly enough time to have an opinion other then happiness for her," I began putting all the ingredients together for miso soup. Okonomiyaki sounded good, too.

Sano's irritation at me was suppressed as he tried to reason with me. "Kenshin... you can't try to tell me you don't care about her…Y'know… after all the stuff you've done for her..."

"I do care, but she's my landlady, and I owe her. My care only extends to friendship." It was a flat-out lie, but he didn't need to know that.

"Is this another one of those 'this unworthy one' things?"

_Yes_... a nasty voice in the back of my mind muttered. "Sanosuke, can we let this be? I have to finish dinner."

Sano sighed, as though he was contemplating telling me something he felt was important. "They... well, they'll tell you. I'm going to get dinner with Tae. Tell me how things go!"

_So much for friends who stick by you..._ I offered a smile and a wave.

_Maybe_, I thought, _I should just stay half of each of my personalities at all times._ It would have been easier to cope with all the stuff I dealt with.

As I finished dinner, I asked Yahiko to inform Kaoru and her guest that dinner was ready, and we sat down shortly thereafter. It didn't take me long to notice the sparking glimmer of joy in Kaoru's eyes and the faint tinge of pink on her cheeks when her eyes met the stranger's.

He, on the other hand, glanced over the table to me in something akin to fear. "I apologize for my former rudeness. Please forgive me." Ah. So Kaoru had told him who I had been ten years before. "You've taken good care of my fiancée... I cannot express my gratitude."

If my shock showed through, it was for less than an instant, for Yahiko began to choke on a piece of okonomiyaki at the news. "Your _what_?" He choked out, wild confusion written clearly on his face.

I patted him on the back and offered my most falsely genuine rurouni smile. "It was an honor to defend her." It was simply fascinating how useful alternate personalities turned out to be. Battousai lurked near the surface to keep me from spazzing out, rurouni style, and the rurouni side of me kept him in check from letting everyone know how I really felt about the engagement.

Kaoru could follow my personalities by looking at my eyes and by listening to how I spoke. I averted my eyes from hers, for they had to be an interesting mess of yellow and purple, both competing for dominance.

"Himura-san?"

_Please, please go away..._ I begged the assassin in me. I looked up and smiled. "Hai?" The boy seemed repentant enough... and if he were engaged to Kaoru... My heart sunk. I would have to leave... This thought depressed me so much that the smile faded and pain flashed across my eyes.

"Kaoru-chan tells me that you cook and clean, and are a master swordsman."

I forced the flimsiest smile I could manage onto my face. "I am..."

"It's so wonderful to see her so happy, and with someone to take care of her when I'm gone. I can't imagine what I would do if she were kidnapped."

I wasn't going to tell him that Jin e had kidnapped her to get to me. The smile was forced to be even more convincing. "It... is only proper. I could not leave her..." It was so lame, and I knew it well. I tried to eat, only to find that I wasn't hungry at all. "How long have you two been... engaged?" Good tactics were to change the subject, but couldn't I have picked a better topic?

Kaoru, to my disappointment, was the one who answered. "An hour or so," She blushed a little and looked to the boy under eyes turned down and dark lashes."We just finished our courtship and we'll be getting married in a few months." Suddenly, her radiance made sense.

That was a shock... When did this magical courtship start? Two minutes before the engagement? I sighed internally. I was pouting, and I knew it. And as I continued to numbly listen to them, I felt even more like a twelve-year-old. The rurouni's subtle ability to hide emotion was used to hide my breaking heart. I don't even know how that conversation finished. I was set on auto and my mind was down and out.

So was I, it seemed.

I think I did dishes and Hiro (the boy) was the one who started Kaoru's bath, which only further pulled me into my depression. Starting Kaoru's bath had been _my _job… _my_ privilege to talk to her while she bathed and I kept the fire going. Very suddenly, I felt very old and a sharp pain that extended to my physical being replaced the fuzziness of caring for Kaoru in my heart. A realization struck me with that pain, leaving me with a staggering amount of weight on my shoulders… It would only be a matter of time before either Kaoru or Hiro asked me to leave the dojo.

I don't remember ever being so broken hearted as that night, with only the exception being directly after Tomoe's death. I had never slept much, but that night I didn't so much as come close to burying myself in the sweet, blessed arms of somnolence. Instead, I left the dojo and walked down the street. It had been many years since I had last needed a drink to calm me. I wasn't sure if I should like or hate Hiro, or if I should have simply resigned to fate and offered to return to my wandering.

When I found my way to the restaurant, I sat down and ordered a bottle of sake, head resting in my hands. I already had a headache. It wasn't anyone's fault that I felt this way, except mine. My feelings didn't matter anymore… in fact; they had never mattered, for I had never even been a consideration in Kaoru's eyes; she had been formally "courted" by Hiro long before I even met her.

I drank.

I'd never even had a chance... Life was a manipulative little girl and I was her favorite puppet. It burned at me, that feeling of rejection mixed in with and fueled by the alcohol, and I slowly felt the sharp edge that was stabbing into my heart dull. My stare was blank so I would never betray my desire to scream, or cry, or just do something about this hopeless situation.

I drank.

But the sake didn't taste as good as it used to.

_Original Note: Those who review, get a chibi Kenshin doll! So please review…_

**End Chapter One**


	2. Dust Yourself Off

**Puppeteers**

**Chapter 2: Dust Yourself off v. 2**

I don't remember getting myself home that night, but I woke up the next morning on my floor. _Hell_... I thought, trying to stand up, but promptly sitting back down when the room began to swirl around me and my head to pound. It had been _years_ since I drank enough to give myself a hangover. Fortunately, it was still too early for anyone to be awake, so I staggered into the kitchen, my head violently protesting, and picked up a bucket filled with water. Stepping into the yard, I dumped the water over my head. The icy water worked to wake me up and restore some of my numbed senses. I had perhaps an hour before Kaoru woke and, in that time, I would have to dry off and get past my hangover.

My stomach churned, and I set the bucket beside the house. Oh... how I regretted the night before… but the sharp aching of my heart did not stop, and it still beat on. I would only have to put away my feelings and shut up. I hated the aching all over my body and found myself sitting on the porch, trying to place the blame of my miserable state on Hiro and—almost for a fleeting second—Kaoru. I sighed and dragged my leaden limbs up off the ground. It was my fault, and I knew I'd never be able to put the blame on someone else. Iizuka, curse his damned soul to hell, had at least taught me what to do when I was in such a position. I drew another bucket of water from the well and drank it slowly to relieve my headache and thirst before passively returning to my place on the porch.

"Don't we get up early?" Damn. Hiro was lucky my sword wasn't with me.

Amber flared up in my eyes before I turned around, a smile forced on my face as Battousai growled in anger at him. My head still hurt, and how _dare_ he sneak up on me like that. "I never sleep much."

Hiro looked over me appraisingly. "I see..." He sat next to me, and I felt myself dreading his next words.

I must have looked completely ridiculous in my soggy clothes and soaked hair. I wrung my hair out carefully into the grass as Hiro watched.

"Kaoru told me a great deal about you."

I moaned inwardly. Just what exactly did she say to him? "Really. What did she say?" I smiled apologetically. "My life is boring... I'm just a samurai... Not even, just a rurouni."

Hiro's brown eyes snatched at mine rudely. "I was very frightened for her when she said you were Hitokiri Battousai."

_Of course_… I mused silently, but he continued.

"I was surprised at her open acceptation of you, and would have gone for you had she not told me of your recent actions."

_How nice of you_... I thought bitterly, my head pounding harder then ever. "I don't like to talk about it." I said, standing up. "If you will excuse me, I need to change and then I will start breakfast." My smile wavered for a moment as I went back to my room. My spare gi was a relic from my assassin days in the Ishin Shishi. Sighing, I pulled off my current hakama and gi, carefully setting them aside and replacing their places on my body with the navy gi and white hakama. It almost made me nostalgic, but only for a moment. I yanked on a spare set of white tabi and walked into the kitchen.

As I put together a simple breakfast of rice and pickled vegetables, I tried to get my headache under control. When I was finished, and stepped toward the table, I nearly recoiled and retreated back into the kitchen. I've mentioned that Life's a bitch before, but this made my heart sink further into the floor. I looked away like a proper man would, and waited for the moment of passion to end and the two lovers broke from their kiss.

I don't know why, but I felt as though my fuzzy heart disease had grown into a constant ache for Kaoru. I sat down, awkwardly avoiding her eyes.

"Kenshin?"

Be still, I told my fluttering heart. "Yes?" I looked up into her beautiful eyes.

"Where did you go last night? I heard you come back in really late." The girl misses nothing, I swear.

"What were you doing up so late, Kaoru-chan?" Hiro asked, as though interjecting on my behalf._ Ha._ My mind laughed cynically in thinking that Hiro would do such a thing for me… He didn't seem like a terrible man, really… I was simply biased because I was in love with his fiancée.

She flushed, and I spoke.

"Kaoru-dono, I was simply visiting Sanosuke. We lost track of time and when we realized, I came home," I silently made a note to remember to relay this story to Sano.

She smiled nodding to tell me my story was acceptable. I couldn't imagine what she would say if she knew I'd gone out drinking, and I didn't even want to fathom that horrible thought.

Yahiko's eyes swung over my body. "Nice clothes, Kenshin," He remarked.

I smiled and looked at the well-tailored gi. "It's a bit old though..." I smiled genuinely to him.

Yahiko nodded with his eyes returning to his meal. "I just don't remember seeing you with it."

I took a sip from my tea, praying that my head would continue to decrease in pain when a loud shout from the gate caught my attention.

Sanosuke.

He stepped up into the room and sat down across from me. "G'morning," He greeted cheerfully.

Hiro was onto my lie before I could signal to Sanosuke that I needed to talk to him. "So, what did you and Himura-san talk about last night that kept him out so late?"

Sano opened his mouth to ask what he was talking about when he caught the urgent look I sent him under my bangs. "Oh... you know... just stuff." Hiro obviously didn't believe him.

But I stepped in. "Sanosuke's a little embarrassed. But since we're all friends here, he won't mind," I was smiling with such forced brilliance it hurt. "He wanted to discuss the proper way to court a lady such as Megumi."

Sano choked on a pickled radish. "Kenshin!"

"It's okay Sano," I assured him with false kindness. "They won't tell her." I didn't want to think what Sanosuke would do to me for this… An amused smiled crossed Kaoru and Yahiko's faces. I stood, pretending I hadn't seen their expressions, and picked up the now empty rice bowls. "Excuse me." I carried them back into the kitchen and began to quickly wash the dishes, before unbinding the sleeves of my old gi. I took a basket from the corner and stepped back out into the room. "I'm going to go buy dinner," I announced clearly, holding up my basket and shooting Sanosuke a glance that told him plainly that he should accompany me.

Sano stood. "Yeah... I'll come too. I'll see if I can convince you to buy something I really like." His words alone conveyed a certain frustration and eagerness to get answers out of me and, when we were just down the street, Sano turned on me. "What the hell was that for! What did that mean!" He bellowed.

I put my hand to my head, closing my eyes. "Please Sanosuke. My head still hurts."

Sano looked stunned. "Kenshin." I'll give him credit; he's not as stupid as he acts sometimes. He looked into my eyes and I looked down, unable to meet them. "What the hell were you doing... you can't... it's not like you..."

"I haven't done it in a long time," I confessed, taking a few steps toward town.

"You've done it before?" He asked disbelieving.

"A little bit after Tomoe died." I didn't really want to go into that time.

He let out a low whistle. "I guess it didn't go over well with you."

"Obviously not," Was my curt retort.

I could tell that he would have smiled if I were so miserable. "So you do care." I made my face unreadable. "I'll take that as a yes." He continued, looking up to the sky and saying no more until we reached the market. Sano stopped me again. "Come with me," He urged, leading me to an obscure little shop.

The elderly woman's face crinkled with a smile. "Another hangover, Sanosuke?" She laughed. "You should have learned by now."

Sano scowled and jerked his thumb toward me. "Not me. This one doesn't know how to drink."

"I can so. My head just hurts," I interjected, mildly injured.

The woman bobbed her head and reached under her counter. She handed me a small bag of assorted herbs, then reaching over and pouring me a small bit of water into a glass. "You only need to put a pinch or so in, dear." I nodded and complied, taking a small sip of the vile concoction.

The woman pushed the glass forward and shoved it back, pouring unnecessary amounts of water down my throat. I choked when it was all down and bent over, coughing violently. She looked proudly down at me. "You'll be feeling fine soon, boy."

I nodded slowly and bowed politely as I turned away, lifting my basket from the ground. "Thank you..." I mumbled, but my head stopped pounding several minutes later, and the dizziness I had ignored passed away. "Thank you, Sano."

He nodded sympathetically. "Keep that medicine in case you ever go drinking again."

We stopped at a vegetable stand and I calmly conversed with the kind man who owned it. He and I had become good friends over the months since I had come to stay with Kaoru, and I calmly set a radish into my basket when we were finished. Thanking him, I stepped through the market, carefully choosing the ingredients for dinner.

Something caught my eye, and I looked over the river wistfully to the blooming trees. The wind blew fatefully over, pulling the seasonal scent of white plums towards me.

I stopped and closed my eyes in remembrance. "Oh…" I murmured.

Sano watched me and looked at me in confusion. "Kenshin...?"

It felt as though Tomoe was trying to speak to me. I took in a long breath, inhaling her scent as it blew in my hair. I stepped forward and set down my basket.

"I should go see her again..." I whispered, thoughts set on my dead wife. "She... could have the answers." I shook the dream-like state off, and smiled to Sano, the smell lingering in my nostrils as we walked.

"Kenshin?"

"Yeah?" I looked over at Sanosuke, who was staring ahead, hands shoved into his pockets.

"What was she like? Your wife, I mean." He looked uncomfortable, as though he felt the subject would upset me, but I'd been over it for perhaps seven years by then.

"Tomoe?" I asked unnecessarily, though finally speaking her name aloud seemed to break a silent spell I'd cast on myself to prevent myself from thinking about her. "She was quiet and reserved; conservative, I suppose, and she'd been raised in a traditional family," A smile played on my lips. "She smelled like white plums, always… She had an overwhelming amount of endurance and determination," I looked distantly into memories. "Not like Kaoru... She had patience, is what I mean."

Sanosuke watched me, faintly smiling at my nostalgic expression. "Not at all like Kaoru... Why the change in taste?"

"I was different then, just as I am different now." A nod and we returned to our silence.

Then, "Kenshin?"

"Yes?"

"Am I that obvious?"

"What?" I stared at him in bewilderment.

"With Megumi," He clarified. "Am I really that obvious?"

I laughed. "Yes, Sanosuke... you are." Walking back to the dojo, late morning sun pressing onto backs, I could have sworn that everything was back to the way it had been before Hiro had come. I thought for a moment that I could come back to the dojo to find Kaoru giving Yahiko a sharp reprimand for some misbehavior, and I would simply laugh, and do the laundry, and cook for them. They'd come to the table, still fighting over something entirely ridiculous, and Sanosuke would somehow get in on it, pushing Kaoru to grow even more agitated, and I would only laugh and ask them to calm down. Everything would have been so normal, so peaceful and calm for me.

If Tomoe could have seen my life as it had been the day before that heavy, dark day, with a smile on my face and true happiness achieved… I knew she would have been proud.

**End Chapter Two**


	3. Unpleasantries

Puppeteers  
  
Note: Maa... I learned this past week that I'd make a miserable housewife... I mean, when you accidentally squirt the cat with the iron, while trying to iron a blouse... The cat was so pissed at me... I also saw Reflections... I'm completely in awe, and I can't even describe how beautiful it was... However, all but one of the characters earned hard whacks for stupidity. Who was the character? Of all people, it was Yahiko. He grew up to be such a kick ass person, I swear. I'm probably one of the few people who DIDN'T cry. I mean, nearly everyone I talked to about it has cried during it. I only teared up once when Sanosuke went to get a doctor for Kenshin... But if you haven't seen it yet, do. It's amazing; I swear.  
  
Chapter 3: Unpleasantries  
  
Days passed into weeks, and Hiro had been living in the dojo for a month.  
  
Everyday that passed brought more and more hints that the wedding was closer and closer.  
  
Laundry didn't help to distract me from my frenzy of thoughts that everyone was beginning to notice. Kaoru had taken me aside and asked me what was wrong, but I, naturally, could not tell her.  
  
I had gone drinking with Sano more and more often over the last two weeks, and tension in the dojo could have been cut with a knife. I was silent most of the time, and my secondary personality spent a great deal of time drifting below the surface of my mind.  
  
As time passed I realized that the time I had remaining at Kaoru's dojo was dwindling.  
  
I had just finished the laundry when Hiro asked to see me in the dojo. My heart sunk in realization as to what I knew was going to happen.  
  
We kneeled; the formality was killing me.  
  
"Himura-san, I would like to thank you for your kindness to Kaoru while you have been here."  
  
I felt my foreboding grow as my heat rate increased.  
  
Hiro continued. "But because of you kindness, the lesser intelligent of the community have been getting the wrong idea."  
  
At last you're honest with yourself about your intellect. I remember thinking brutally.  
  
"Therefore, it is my most regrettable duty to-"  
  
However un-samurai as it was, I held my hand up and cut him off. "This one understands. He will get his things." I stood up and stepped to the shoji, heart heavy.  
  
I had not wanted to hear the words.  
  
How ironic it was to be a rurouni, a wanderer, and be forced to leave a place.  
  
I almost laughed at the irony of it all, but waited until I was a block away from the dojo, leaning against another dojo's wall.  
  
Hiro had told me it was not necessary to simply go right then, but I turned to him and blatantly told him, politely, what my existence was.  
  
"This one is a rurouni, Hiro-san. If need arises, he can always sleep outside. Please excuse him, for he owns little and will be on his way." I wanted to scream, but as always, I shut up. My pack slung over my shoulder, I bowed to Hiro.  
  
"Do send my apologies to Kaoru-dono. This one will see if Sano will allow him to stay with him until he is ready to continue."  
  
I knew he wouldn't, but I left him there with those words.  
  
I paused after stepping a few steps. "Tell Yahiko that... I am sorry."  
  
I allowed the slip of tongue. I was emotional, and I was ready to let Battousai take over me completely. It felt as though Tomoe had died all over again, and I was walking away from our burning house.  
  
I was leaving a piece of my life behind again.  
  
I'm always leaving things behind... I thought as I made my way to stand at Sanosuke's door.  
  
I knocked softly. "Sano? If you would pardon this one's intrusion..."  
  
The door was opened and Sano began to tell me off for the whole 'this one' thing, but stopped dead upon seeing the sack.  
  
"He didn't... that bastard... he didn't."  
  
"Maa maa... Sano, it's okay. I will only be here a week perhaps. Then I must return to my journey."  
  
Sano picked me up by my gi. "Your what?!" He growled. "You're not going anywhere! Where does that punk get off telling you what to do?"  
  
I shrugged. "It doesn't matter. This one simply needs a few days to set his affairs in order."  
  
Sano seemed to give up on me, letting me fall to the ground. "I don't like it."  
  
I stood up and organized my clothing. "Thank you Sano." I smiled my innocent rurouni smile. "This one is grateful."  
  
Sano sighed and led me in. "There's not much room..."  
  
I smiled gratefully. "This one needs little, and will be willing to cook."  
  
Sano started laughing. "That's right! What's that punk gonna do about cooking? Kaoru can't, he can't and Yahiko..." He shook his head. "I hate to leave them high an' dry... but they need you."  
  
"And this one is not welcome there." I replied, calmly setting myself on the floor.  
  
Sano sat next to me. "Do you want to get drunk tonight?"  
  
I sighed. "This one does not enjoy hangovers... but..." I sighed. I was becoming an alcoholic. I was beginning to wonder if all Hiten Mitsurugi masters had such problems.  
  
But perhaps my master had charged in fourteen years...  
  
I almost laughed. "Very well."  
  
Sano grinned. "Katsu'll take care of it... he never minds funding a good night out. Maybe he'll join us."  
  
I nodded. "This one will simply sleep for a short while." I closed my eyes, letting the weight of my pain tumble away.  
  
Sano woke me a few hours later, when dusk was upon us, and the sun was brilliant, bloody red in the western horizon.  
  
"Come on Kenshin." He grinned and pointed to his waiting friend. "Let's go."  
  
I nodded, and the three of us walking slowly down the street.  
  
Katsu looked over at me. "Himura-san, have you ever been in a tea house?"  
  
I really did laugh that time. I couldn't help it. Katsura-san's most beloved woman, Ikumatsu, was frequent to visit our inn. She often invited us to meet her in teahouses, and, much to my discontent, I was taken along.  
  
The younger boys stared at me.  
  
"This one knew many geisha during the war."  
  
They exchanged eyebrow-raised expressions.  
  
I coughed. "This one was no older then either of you are now when he retired from being hitokiri."  
  
Sanosuke choked and blushed, and I realized why. I had been no more then sixteen when Tomoe and I had been married and...  
  
I almost blushed myself.  
  
We stopped in front of a teahouse and stepped inside.  
  
It felt as though I were back ten years before.  
  
When we were seated, I sipped my sake slowly, glancing around the room.  
  
An older geisha caught my eye, and a smile crossed my face. I stopped a young woman who worked there and asked her about the geisha.  
  
She smiled and replied calmly, with a kind smile and left to speak with her.  
  
Sano coughed on his sake. "Kenshin..."  
  
I smiled. "It's not what you think."  
  
The geisha smiled and excused herself quickly to seat herself at our table.  
  
I stood and bowed. "Ikumatsu-san, it's wonderful to see you."  
  
She smiled brightly. "Himura-san..." She seemed to radiate with joy. "What brings you here?"  
  
I looked slightly miserable, but only for a fleeting instant. "I'm leaving Tokyo in a week or so. I've lived here for almost a year."  
  
She looked concerned. "What for? Haven't you settled here?" She shook her head. "A year is a long time."  
  
I ignored this and introduced Katsu and Sano, and our night began.  
  
Ikumatsu was always well learned in conversation, but the more we drank, the more we began to reminisce.  
  
Ikumatsu and I had ten years to catch up on, and Sano was more then willing to get an insight on my mind.  
  
"What were you in Tokyo so long for?" Ikumatsu finally asked.  
  
I sighed and set down my cup, pulling my sword closer to me. I laughed. "I met a woman..." I pushed my sweaty hair back from my face. "She's getting married soon... but I'm in love with her."  
  
Sano and Katsu were passed out, with two young apprentice geisha looking after them.  
  
Ikumatsu looked sad for me. "Is she beautiful?"  
  
"Unbelievable so... More then Tomoe was... unorthodox... but she's beautiful when she has a sword in her hand." I leaned back. "And..." I sighed. "She's marrying the worst kind of guy for her."  
  
Ikumatsu nodded. "Why don't you do something about it?"  
  
"She's so young... he can take care of her, and he wasn't a hitokiri."  
  
Her eyebrows shot up. "You weren't quite so passive when I knew you."  
  
I looked away. "This one is unworthy."  
  
She sighed. "Himura-san... let go of your past..." She stood up, helping me up as well. "Come now, you and I are drunk enough."  
  
She helped us out of the teahouse, and we separated.  
  
Sano and I were staggering back to his house when a cold dread crept from my heart.  
  
"Sano?" I whispered.  
  
"Wha-? Whazz- wrong?" He slurred.  
  
"Battousai." A man stepped from the shadows. "It's shameful to see you like this."  
  
I felt myself sober immediately.  
  
It can't be... I thought; hand on the hilt of my sword.  
  
He stepped closer, an elitist smirk set on his face. "To see you so disintegrated... where is your pride? Your honor?"  
  
My eyes flickered amber for a moment as I gripped the hilt. "Right here."  
  
He laughed cruelly. "Don't worry. It wouldn't be fair if I fought an intoxicated man." A piece of paper caught on the wind and I caught it.  
  
My amber eyes scanned the page. "A challenge." I stated but he was gone.  
  
Shinsengumi...I thought, tearing up the challenge and closing my eyes. "Saitou-san..."  
  
*~*  
  
Yay, minna-san!!! Thank you for all the lovely reviews, and everyone's so nice!! As promised, freshly-baked RK cookies!! ^_^ Next time, Kenshin's giving out kisses!! And if you're a guy... request a character that you want a kiss from and... ^_^ Thank you!  
  
Koishii Sweet: ^_^ As always, I look forward to getting a review from you. You've never actually failed to send me a review, and I appreciate it. **hands a bag of RK cookies**  
  
Junny Jun: Thank you! I really appreciate getting reviews that are in detail like this, and it always makes me feel good. Kaoru WILL have a chapter or two with her POV, but not for another two chapters or so, after I stick in 'White Flag' at the end of a chapter... ohohohohohoho... let's see who can figure out what's going to happen there! **hands a bag of RK cookies**  
  
Selena Maxwell: Thank you!! I appreciate each and every review, and I'm glad you all send them to me with love and your time. I'm glad you like it, and I hope you enjoy all future chapters. **hands a bag of RK cookies**  
  
elgaladangel: Yep... He understands that he's hurting all over, and he's in for a world of hurt for a while... But it'll get better for him, and he won't have to feel such pain forever. I promise. ^_^  
  
cyberdemon: You will LIKE how they get together, this one hopes. ^_^ It will happen, but not for some time. But it will come, I promise.  
  
Josie: Ahh... I'm glad Kenshin gets pity... but Hiro's a character of mine... so I won't kill him... sorry... ^_^ But he'll get his in the end. He'll get his. ^_^x 


	4. All The Reasons Why

Puppeteers  
  
Nore: Blargh... Rhi-chan isn't typing this chapter... I am... Bando-chan... I would have started sooner, but all this crap has been happening; including trying to hunt down my prom date, who STILL hasn't e-mailed me back... screw the fact he's a foot taller than me... I'm gonna smack the boy when I see him again. I swear it... Sheesh... if I didn't... oh... :clamps hands over mouth: never mind! -_-;; why don't I just get on to the disclaimer?  
  
Disclaimer: DON'T SUE ME!!! I stake no claim on Rurouni Kenshin... Just Kenshin... and Sou-chan...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chapter Four- All the reasons why  
  
Sano's eyes watched me as I swung my sword up and thrust out. "Shinsengumi, huh?" He raised his eyebrows. "You have such pleasant friends."  
  
I scowled. "This is serious... I'm not sure what he's capable of doing to me."  
  
The truth was that I was afraid that Saitou might realize that I had very close relations in Tokyo... Would he use that against me?  
  
"You're obviously concerned."  
  
My eyes darted over to look at him as I took the next few graceful steps in my dance, sword catching brief rays from the dying sun. "Saitou will have kept his skills very sharp, whereas mine have been eroding."  
  
"Whatever you say. You're supposed to be the best swordsman in Japan."  
  
I shrugged numbly, feeling that something was terribly wrong. Why had Saitou come for me now, of all times? Did he already know about Kaoru and Yahiko?  
  
Sano dusted himself off and approached me, seizing my arm and forcing it down. "No more practicing. You've been at this for two days. The challenge is set for tomorrow... where?"  
  
I submitted and sheathed my sakabatou. "He just said I would know..."  
  
He released me and shoved his hands in his pockets. "That could be anywhere."  
  
I nodded slowly. "But I might have an idea."  
  
His eyebrow flew up. "Really? Where?"  
  
I sighed and pushed my sword into the ties of my hakama. "He might have it in the grove of white plum trees... They're blooming, and he always did have a twisted fascination with Tomoe."  
  
He nodded slowly. "What about some of the other hints? They don't fit to your ex-wife."  
  
I sighed as we turned to leave the small meadow that had been my training ground. "The other... he knows about Kaoru and Yahiko."  
  
"Then it'll be the dojo."  
  
I closed my eyes. I was hardly sure of my own choices... How could I be sure of where Saitou would strike at all? How could I even be sure that what I felt for Kaoru was nothing more than the perverse lust that came with being a man. I didn't want to face her again... not with Hiro... and not when I was facing off against Saitou again.  
  
Not when I had to fight a shadow from my already dark past.  
  
We were quickly back in the city, when someone collided with me.  
  
"Oro!" I cried, catching the boy to keep him from falling.  
  
"Kenshin!" He cried, steadying himself.  
  
My eyes widened with recognition. "Yahiko! What's wrong?"  
  
He caught his breath. "There's a policeman looking for you at the dojo."  
  
My breath froze in my throat and my heart stopped.  
  
"Wasn't it tomorrow... Kenshin?"  
  
My thoughts rushed like a raging river through my head. He couldn't have... wouldn't have... it was tomorrow...  
  
Under the red moon...  
  
I cursed, leaving both Sanosuke and Yahiko shocked as my eyes hunted the darkening twilight.  
  
I had assumed the red moon was the setting sun. There! My heart died as I saw the crimson reflection of the dying sun on the pale, impressionable moon.  
  
"There's no time!" I cried, touching my swrod hilt and turning to begin to run to the dojo. "It's tonight! It's now!"  
  
I tore at myself internally, screaming about my stupidity. How could I have been so stupid?  
  
As I stepped into the open gate, I heard the argumentative voice that belonged to Hiro.  
  
Fool... I thought. He could snuff out that destructive flame of yours with an instant and his sword.  
  
"I've told you! He doesn't live here!"  
  
So I'd become the topic of conversation... I almost laughed at the cruel irony of it all.  
  
I heard Kaoru plead with them to stop arguing and calmly try to explain to Saitou that I was gone.  
  
I slid off my shoes and stepped into the dojo, causing everything to stop.  
  
A cruel smile crossed Saitou's face. "So you've come."  
  
I began to let my restraints on Battousai loosen as my eyes flickered once the warning amber I knew none but Saitou had seen. "You knew I would." I kept my face stony, only allowing my disapproval to show in my eyes. "You, however, have lost a great deal of honor if you involve these people."  
  
It was hurting me, to write Kaoru and Yahiko off as just regular people, but what could I do? I had to convince everyone that they meant as much to me as all the other people whose lives I'd changed by raising my sword and fighting for their safety, only to leave them behind with just a legend... Just like I was about to do to them.  
  
Kaoru was watching me with increasing fear. I felt her stare, realizing that she had caught my change before even I had. Could I blame her for being afraid...? Both sides of me remembered the last time she had seen me go over the edge... I could have laughed again. Naive, beautiful, little Kaoru had no honest idea how Battousai really was.  
  
Don't look at her... I ordered myself.  
  
She dashed forward as I began to approach Saitou solemnly and seized the back of my gi. "Don't!" She cried, panic evident in her voice. "Don't... please... don't go back... don't go back to who... to who you were..."  
  
I struggled with myself as I felt her hands tighten their grip and her attempts to hold me back with all her strength. Her forehead fell against my back and a choked sob escaped her throat.  
  
"Kaoru... let him go." Hiro spoke, reaching for her.  
  
Saitou's eyebrows come up. "Silence yourself, boy. From what I can see, this concerns you not."  
  
Hiro turned on him. "She's my fiancée! It certainly does concern-"  
  
He never finished, for the hilt of Saitou's sword connected with his stomach, knocking him out.  
  
"If you really are his woman, girl, then take care of him and leave Battousai to me."  
  
Kaoru was so stunned at the blunt order that she released me and complied immediately.  
  
"Come now, Battousai."  
  
So be it... I thought, drawing my sword, feeling the last of the feeling in my heart flicker out. If it had been ten years before, I would have wanted to curl up and cry for the absolute death of my soul.  
  
There was a silent standstill before we moved. There was nothing but the flash of our swords as they clashed.  
  
Sanosuke and Yahiko watched in horrified silence as Kaoru's withheld sobs broke out into tears that flooded her innocent eyes.  
  
I later regretted those tears, for they were because of me. I was such a fucking idiot... I was such a terrible person that I could make the most innocent woman I knew cry. I had made the woman I loved most of all cry...  
  
Saitou's sword changed direction as I leaped in the air to deflect one swing and deliver one of my own, and pierced my abdomen.  
  
I fell like a stone, mind screaming in pain as Kaoru took that internal pain and became my voice as though she herself was feeling the blinding, searing, burning pain of a sword piercing your own flesh.  
  
I forced myself to stand, blood staining my clothes as I raised my sword.  
  
"You aren't there yet! Where is the man I fought all those years ago?"  
  
"I don't have time for petty taunts." I growled, eyes settling on gold.  
  
He laughed and I disappeared, reappearing with my sword moving toward him as he deflected it at the last second. I felt the strip of cloth that bound my hair back fall away and around my shoulders.  
  
He laughed, noting that I was losing control and my attacks were escalating in power.  
  
My sword caught on the tip of his and fell onto his shoulder, leaving what I knew would be a painful bruise.  
  
Our swords met over and over as I felt myself feel the old adrenaline rush through my veins. The obsessed feeling of living for each clash of the sword; to live to see another second.  
  
I was deaf to the words and screams that Sano told me about later.  
  
Everything felt like that night when I came back to Kyoto, the smoke of my only true home rising in the distance.  
  
Tomoe's funeral pyre... Her kimono jacked over my own clothes as our swords clashed for the first time.  
  
The old pain came roaring to the surface as we fought the battle we ought to have finished years before.  
  
My sword came down with a force I could never have mustered as a teenager.  
  
Saitou's sword broke...  
  
"Stop!" We both froze, a second away from our finishing attack, at the voice of a man we both recognized.  
  
Another man glared venomously at Saitou. "You were only supposed to see how strong he was. Not try to kill him."  
  
Saitou's faced twitched in irritation as my eyes narrowed, eyebrow cocked. "Gauge my ability?" I asked as Megumi came tearing into the dojo, stopping dead at the sight of three unfamiliar men and me, the one who was supposed to never return there, standing in Kaoru's dojo.  
  
"Oh..." She whispered, taking in my eyes as hers fell on them.  
  
Of course... She had never seen me as I was then... She had never seen Battousai emerged.  
  
I watched as Okubo stepped forward. "I apologize, Himura-san. I had hoped that this would end another way. We... must request your services."  
  
My heart rate was slowing. "What would you need me for?" I asked smoothly.  
  
He glanced nervously around the room. "I would prefer to speak of this in private."  
  
I shook my head, forcing Battousai back. I raised my already clenched fist and pounded it into my forehead, feeling the demon that was Battousai slip back into his coils and chains.  
  
"Whatever you have to say to this one, say it here. This one has no reason to keep them from the truth..." I paused. "They have a right to know my fate, should this become it."  
  
Kaoru's strangled cry caught my attention and I glanced back at her, taking care to let her see that my eyes were back to normal.  
  
She turned her attentions to her waking fiancé. "Hiro-kun..." She murmured softly.  
  
Okubo noted my discomfort as I looked away quickly as Megumi stepped forward. "Ken-san... come on, I'll get you bandaged."  
  
I submitted and let her sit me in a corner of the dojo as she sent Yahiko for bandages.  
  
She stripped my gi off and stared at the bleeding wound sadly. "I'm sorry..." She whispered so that only I could here.  
  
"Can you fix it?" I asked, only slightly urgently. All my other senses were dulled to where I didn't really care if death was my fate.  
  
"I can... but I meant about that girl."  
  
I stared at her. "What are you talking about, Megumi-dono?"  
  
She glanced at me miserably. "You can't hide from it... No matter how hard you try, Ken-san... But she's only hurting you more the longer you hold on."  
  
I stared into her concerned eyes. "This one is perfectly fine, Megumi-dono. Just a little scratched up on the outside."  
  
Was I so obvious that Megumi could see my desperate screaming for someone to see my own emotions? I had tried to hard to hide the screaming in my heard that I knew I was betrayed through my turbulent eyes.  
  
She took the bandages from Yahiko and began to wrap them tightly, keeping her voice low as she looked at me. "Be careful, Ken-san. She will not entrust you with her heart. Bestowing your upon her would only end in your own pain."  
  
In retrospect, hers was probably the only sound advice anyone gave me back them, and I think Megumi's insights were a driving force that helped me keep my head on straight from getting too deep into the mess I was already caught up in.  
  
Then again, it also was a major influence in what I was about to do next.  
  
It was probably Fate's decision that I would get that particular advice directly before Okubo's request.  
  
It's little coincidences like that which make me feel even more like a puppet all strung up and attached to Life's hands as she plays with us like a little girl plays with her doll. It was just that Life was a cynical little girl that played with our lives and then cuts the strings, leaving us in a broken heap on the stage until someone picks up the strings again and we become controlled and played with again.  
  
As we settled in the dim light of lanterns inside the dojo, Okubo's tale unfolded.  
  
"Himura-san... you know of Shishio Makoto, correct?"  
  
How could I have ever forgotten? Katsura had needed an assassin, and he knew I could no longer do it after Tomoe's death. Who could ever forget the eerie man who seemed to take great enjoyment in the assignments I had so loathed?  
  
Once again, it was probably my youth that had kept me from enjoying it.  
  
But... I thought, He died... they killed him...  
  
"This one had heard that he was dead. He was unknown, as this one had been before Katsura-san agreed to allow him to discontinue the duties as hitokiri... when Katsura allowed him to fight for the cause itself. Shishio Makoto... was the inheritor of my duties." I had mentioned the last part for the benefit of everyone who did not know in the room.  
  
Hiro looked furiously at me, the deepest loathing in his eyes. Battousai would have glared at him in return, for he simply could not understand what life had been like. Kaoru was obviously torn between agreeing with her fiancé's anger, or the desperation that clouded her eyes of my leaving for such a dangerous task.  
  
But I understood what Okubo was asking me to do.  
  
"Shishio Makoto lives... and would it not be perfectly fitting for the assassin who took over for the Hitokiri Battousai to be assassinated himself by his predecessor? To let him finish the job the government could not?"  
  
It was sarcastic, and I knew it. But they were asking me to break my vow and kill. If I were going to, I was going to make it worth it.  
  
Okubo nodded, staring at the ground. Megumi's voice ran through my head, She will not entrust you with her heart...  
  
Kaoru and Megumi were on their feet, yelling different things that were to the same effect.  
  
I couldn't go. I didn't kill. I wouldn't do it. They would not be the things used against me to blackmail into doing it. I simply wouldn't go, because they wouldn't allow it.  
  
I held up my hand to silence them, which worked immediately. "Okubo-san... This one does not with to kill. No doubt Yamagata-san told you so, but I cannot allow a killer to walk free if he is causing mayhem and death. That too would violate my oath to protect."  
  
Kaoru was yelling something, pushing Hiro away as he tried to silence and calm her, but I only watched the scene with deafened ears, eyes observing as though they belonged to someone else in a surrealistic dream. It felt as though I could have reached out to touch something, and the whole illusion would fall apart and I would wake up.  
  
Only Sano's voice broke through my twisted reverie to me. "Kenshin... don't hurt her..."  
  
My eyes slid shut as I stood up. "Good night Okubo-san... minna-san..." I clutched my sword as I stood at the shoji, looking out at the wind-torn night sky that was filled with twinkling stars, that seemed so solemn and sad that particular night.  
  
I looked away from the stars, down at the wooden floors I had polished myself so many times. "This one will depart for Kyoto in one week."  
  
*~*  
  
Note: WAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?! Okay... unless I've ranted about the next chapter, no, you guys wouldn't know... Okay, now that the plot's starting to take it place in the series... I'm SURE you all can figure out what the next chapter is gonna be... You guess it right, and you get a SPECIAL review prize!!! This time, I'm giving all reviewers a crowbar and a free swing at Hiro. ^_^ Since everyone wants him to die, and I'm faaaaaar from done with him, and I don't think Saitou knocking him out was that great of a retribution for it... that's what you guys get!!! ^________^x If you don't guess... then you get a prize for reviewing anyway! A CHIBI SAITOU DOLL!!! **huggles the Saitou dolls** they're soooooooooooooooo cute!!! All reviewers get one... and guessers get a swing at Hiro... Review replies!!!  
  
I can NOT express my gratitude from you guys! THREE chapters, and it's already catching up to The Wings of a Falcon, which has six! ^_^ I'm overwhelmed with gratefulness!!! **Points to a stack of papers with lip imprints on them** This update's gifts! Kenshin used a lot of my sister's lip-gloss for those... ^_^  
  
Koishii Sweet: First on the scene for all of my story updates!!! Thank you so much for sticking with my stories and me, and pushing me to get the updates out, and work on all the stuff I've got. **hands a piece of paper with lip imprints**  
  
Quirk: Hai! **salutes** I'm sorry about the lateness of this chapter! You wouldn't BELEIVE how complicated things have been! And this chapter died on my typist's comp TWICE... **hands a piece of paper with lip imprints**  
  
Shiomei: ^_^ Thank you!!! I will keep going! It's inspiration from people that really keep me from losing my muses... **watches as the wander around the room** Yep... that's my muses... **hands a piece of paper with lip imprints**  
  
Hotohori: @_@ Bleh... I had to read your review out loud to quite grasp it... no offense meant, and I appreciate the review! I'm not quite sure what I'm going to end up doing to Hiro... I keep telling Koishii-chan to imagine he died a terrible death at the end of the story, because I can't bring myself to kill him or something... As for Kenshin drinking... that was something that came straight from Trust and Betrayal, where the first 'date' Kenshin went on with Tomoe was to go drinking... O_o **hands a piece of paper with lip imprints**  
  
Dark-Angel Ahria: WOW!!! You reviewed all three chapters!!!!!!!!!! **gives a super-tremendous-happy-hug** I kinda like the running theme on killing Hiro... like I keep saying, everyone wants him dead!!! Don't EVER worry about randomness with me... -_-; I am one of the most random people in the world... honest... I'm glad the Sano courting Megumi thing went over well!! Or not down so well... ^_^ **tacky drumming in background** Anyway, I was trying to think of something to put there and I was like, 'Hey! Self, we can put that there, and it would be really funny!' **hands a piece of paper with lip imprints**  
  
Sora Himura: I MUST ask you... would you happen to be a KH fan as well...? Hn... if not, and you're like 'What the heck is this psycho talking about?', just ignore that... ^_^;; Thank you! I keep getting afraid that I'm gonna turn out like Tolkien one day and describe something TOO much... that seems to be the common pet peeve among my friends... I personally think he's brilliant... but... yeah... **hands a piece of paper with lip imprints**  
  
Mandapanda: I'm sensing your name is... AMANDA!! LIKE ME!!! If not... smack me... In any case, thank you for the review!! I will CERTAINLY be finishing this story! I actually thought through to the last couple chapters before these parts... This might turn out to be a huge affair... I'm talking... 15 chapters... may even hit 20... though, I don't think I'll let it get THAT out of hand... the whole Shishio mess has to be fixed before the last part happens like I thought it would... I even have the quote that spurred this story... ^_^ **hands a piece of paper with lip imprints**  
  
Augi: **sobbing as she hugs Augi* THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! I've heard it before that my fiction's the best someone's read in a particular section, or the best in a long time. But it never stops giving me this happy feeling that makes me feel that I'll one day actually be able to go through with my plans for professional writing... even if I DO have a long way to go... I promise that this story will be finished! It's become the inspiration to get me through this hell they call Junior year... Thank you so much!!!! I appreciate the descriptions as to WHY it's good, and I hope that this chapter, and all future chapters do not disappoint. **hands a piece of paper with lip imprints and hugs again**  
  
MysticShadowWanderer: Nice to know you're finally back!!!!! I'm honored that you actually take the time to read my growing writing... T_T Yes... Rammstein! Asians! **sweatdrops** Anyone ever told us that we're WAY too random? Eh... I just need pocky right now... this was SUCH a long chapter!! **hands a piece of paper with lip imprints**  
  
TO ALL READERS AND REVIEWERS: You guys keep asking about Kaoru!! You keep asking why she's 'silly' and 'weird' and... ^_^ Just wait! You WILL get a peek into her perspective in chapter 6... I already have it written on paper... It'll be out soon... but the next chapter should make EVERYONE happy! I'm overwhelmingly proud of it beyond words... It's my baby... ^_^ Please keep reviewing!! 


	5. White Flag

Chapter 4: White Flag  
  
The heavens only knew how I really felt about leaving Tokyo behind to become hitokiri again.  
  
Okubo-san was dead by the blade of Shishio's own hitokiri.  
  
Sanosuke had played as if nothing had never happened, to ease the pain of my leaving Kaoru. He and Katsu took me drinking several times, but I never drank much. I felt like I was just an empty shell, going through the motions of living without feeling anything but the numb that made me want to inflict pain on myself to assure my troubled mind that I was still real.  
  
Megumi brought news of the dojo, every day claiming that life was as normal as it could be without my presence. Every time she brought news, she shot me a glance that let me know she still supported her advice.  
  
I heard nothing from Kaoru until the day before I planned to leave. Sano had gone out, well knowing that it was possible that I might leave early.  
  
He did not want to have to say goodbye...or so I thought then. Nevertheless, neither did I.  
  
Yahiko, who came often with excuses but always spent his time staring at me as though trying to decide whether or not I betrayed him, was the one who came with the note from Kaoru that would seemingly seal my fate.  
  
He waved it at me, and then stood in Sano's doorway. "Kenshin..?" He asked, staring down at the floor.  
  
I looked down at him in a fatherly manner. I truly was fond of Yahiko, and it was a shame that I would leave his life forever.  
  
"Yes, Yahiko?" It was a moment before I realized why he was upset. I pulled him into a parental hug. "Yahiko... I won't die... and I'll come back and see how you are... but I can't stay here... And I can't come back to live."  
  
His young eyes were filling with tears as he looked up into mine furiously, demanding an answer. "Why not? Is it because of Hiro? Kaoru?"  
  
My heart was breaking for this boy. I was the only father he had ever come close to knowing, and his mother had been gone so much... had died... It wasn't fair that I had to leave him behind like his own had. I couldn't lie to him.  
  
"Yes, Yahiko. I have to do this... Who else can? And I can't come back because of Kaoru... and Hiro..." I brushed his unfallen tears away with my gi. "Don't cry. You will be strong."  
  
He hugged me tightly. "Kenshin... It's not fair! Who cares about them?! Why should they determine what happens to you?! Why can't you just live here?"  
  
As I held the boy close, I spoke to him. "Yahiko... were I ever to have a son... I would want him like you. Be strong, even without my guidance..." I almost kept the next words from coming, but realized that if these were our last words to one another... I wanted him to remember what I wanted from him. "Be my son... for the one I cannot have."  
  
Yahiko seemed to understand as he held out the piece of paper to me. "I guess she wanted to say goodbye too... I don't think Hiro knows.... She's not been taking it well, but he doesn't notice, because he doesn't spar with her."  
  
With that he was gone.  
  
A few minutes later, I was walking to the riverside, senses sharp for raven hair and a gentle ki.  
  
I found her watching fireflies absently. It suddenly seemed so important to tell her what weighed on my mind. "Okubo-san was assassinated."  
  
She turned to look at me sadly. "I heard..." Her eyes drifted out onto the blinking lights.  
  
How funny... I remember thinking. That humans are like fireflies. Our lives are as brief as the light that shines... but it seems we would only get one chance at love in that instant of life.  
  
"Kenshin...?" Her voice broke away the thoughts.  
  
I took a step closer to her, watching the lights flicker with her, my body numb with the anticipation of what I knew I would end up doing. "Hai?."  
  
"I wish you wouldn't leave... Hiro shouldn't have asked you to leave... and I shouldn't have let all this hit you at once. Kenshin... I'm- "  
  
I cut her off. "Don't apologize. I can't let Shishio have free reign. I would have had to leave eventually, and fate ordained everything as it is, Kaoru-dono."  
  
Her eyes looked into mine, quickly searching for Battousai, but I had simply dropped much of my formal speech.  
  
I gently moved her head to watch the fireflies. "Please look at them... Are they not like us? Maybe the firefly has its light to see in the eternal loneliness of dark they are condemned to. Maybe their lights are to help them find companions... Do you see their problem, despite this?"  
  
She swallowed. "Their lights... only shine briefly..." She turned her body to face mine, eyes silently pleading me to stop whatever I was doing. Deep within her, she knew what was coming. "How can they hope to see with such a short light?"  
  
I smiled sadly. "And what if they do not recognize their companion in that light? Then their chance is wasted." I closed the distance between us swiftly, enclosing her spirit in my own. "Or are they as I am? Seeing the soul mate in the final instant of that light, and then living in regret forever more for not recognizing it sooner?"  
  
A soft cry met my ears, and I took her scent. "Kaoru... I thought I could have a normal life with you. Live and just be a samurai... but things changed, and the light has gone out." I loosened my hold on her and looked into her eyes. Silently asking for permission before allowing myself to lay my lips on hers.  
  
It was so wrong, what I was doing, but I couldn't stop anymore then I could have with Saitou during the fight. I pulled myself away from her.  
  
"Kaoru... I'm so sorry... forgive me, if you can. I'm in love with you. Ai shiteru... Ai shiteru... Ai shiteru... But... I am just a rurouni... Pardon my intrusion in your life, for I am returning to my journey. Thank you for everything... everything.... Sayonara."  
  
I let her go, and she crumpled to the ground, watching me as I walked away, I had just done what Megumi had told me not to. Only I hadn't given her the chance to hurt me. I had presented my heart and tore it up in front of her. I was killing myself, and I knew she understood that.  
  
I kept my bangs over my eyes as I began that journey again. I had told Yahiko not to cry... and I had not for many years.  
  
I didn't cry then either. I had destroyed my heart, but in doing so, I had killed myself at the same time. Willingly. Intentionally.  
  
"Kenshin..." The muffled sob barely reached my ears, and I almost turned back. It was all of my self-determination to leave her there, hurting in ways I could not even understand.  
  
"Sayonara... Kaoru..." I whispered, audible only to the breeze that carried her cries to me.  
  
*~*  
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you or tell you that  
But if I didn't say it, well, I still have felt it  
Where's the sense in that?  
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder or return to where we were,  
But I will go down with this ship  
I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be.  
  
-Dido, White Flag  
  
Note: See? SEE!!!!! It IS a KK story! I TOLD you it would be! Now... you have to wait a while before things get better again... because now everyone's a mess!! ^_^ bwahahahahahaha!!! **laughing evilly until she chokes** damn... Review replies!!!  
  
RurouniNikkitch13- ^_^ I'm glad you like it!!! **hands a chibi-Saitou doll**  
  
wackoramaco87- Aye, it's in 1st person, looking back... yeah... I can't write a story that's in present moment... I wrote a personal narrative like that, and HATED it... Retrospect is so much more fun. And you, my friend, are one of TWO guessers! **hands a crowbar and pushes a bound and gagged Hiro forward** Do have fun... **hands a chibi-Saitou doll**  
  
cyberdemon- ^_^ My second guesser!!! **hands a crowbar and pushes a bound and gagged Hiro forward and away from wacko-chan** I know you've wanted to smack him for a while... and since I'm not DONE with him yet... this is the second best thing... **hands a chibi-Saitou doll**  
  
Koishii Sweet- **huggles** Thank you!!!!! But... you have to put the knives away... -_-; You have to wait until I'm all done with Hiro... **hands a chibi- Saitou doll**  
  
Slight Imperfections- **hugs** EVERYONE feels sorry for Kenshin... We all just love him so much... **hands a chibi-Saitou doll**  
  
DarkAngel-Ahria- OMG! Your review made me blush!! **bows** Thank you so much! I'm glad that you appreciated those lines, and I hope that the story does not disappoint you... **hands a chibi-Saitou doll**  
  
quirk- Hai, I PROMISE this is a KK story... if this chapter didn't show it, then... um... well, just take my word for it and understand it's coming... Megumi's advice is supposed to make Kenshin realize that Megumi thinks Kaoru won't allow him any room in her heart and... why don't I just explain it in another chapter? **hands a chibi-Saitou doll**  
  
Galenahaiel- ^_^ Is this good enough? Thank you for your review!! **hands a chibi-Saitou doll**  
  
MysticShadowWanderer- Yay! Thank you for your review!!! ^__________^ I'm glad you like this story... **pokes the story** bastard child of mine may it be... -_-;; 


	6. You

Author's Note: **sobs and hugs all her reviewers** You... all... I can't even express my overwhelming joy...more reviews than I've ever gotten in my life... More for one chapter... TWENTY-NINE reviews! I'm not even sure if I can manage to do all the replies quickly, but I'll try. As for all the time spent... well... Forgive me... I've been completely swamped with work, and I'm not even done with my history project... and that's REALLY important. As for all the people who talked to me before the ACT... You guys are my life support, and I can't thank you all enough. Yumi-chan, Koishii-chan, MSW- sama, Crism-chan... T_T You guys are my heroes for dealing with the psychotic breakdowns...  
  
Chapter Six- You (Kaoru's Interlude)  
  
I couldn't think clearly at all after that night. Hiro was hardly able to notice, which surprised me, even though I knew he wasn't the type who would.  
  
Kenshin would notice... I thought, quickly berating myself. It was unfair to compare Hiro to Kenshin in my confused state  
  
On one hand, Kenshin was walking into what was probably the most dangerous battle of his life. I was at my dojo, with my fiancée... What was wrong with me?  
  
On the other hand, I could simply trust in Kenshin and his skills and get married as planned.  
  
Yahiko sulked around the dojo, shooting glares at me whenever he laid eyes on me. I could tell he knew about Kenshin's emotions and he felt betrayed by me.  
  
I often felt like seizing the boy by the gi and yelling at him to understand what I was going through.  
  
But even so, I suppose Yahiko had a right to feel betrayed. Kenshin was practically his father, and it was I who drove him away.  
  
My face contorted with anger as I swung my bokken in a high arc.  
  
But even so, Kenshin probably felt betrayed that I'd never mentioned Hiro. But he'd never asked, I reminded myself. It certainly was not my problem, what he felt.  
  
I was trying so hard to be tough about my situation, but couldn't help it when I remembered the numb paralysis that had left me weak in the knees when he hugged me, and the fantastic warmth that had been given to me as he... I shook my head violently.  
  
Don't think of that... I ordered myself unkindly.  
  
Even so, my mind wandered again and again to the beautiful red-haired rurouni who had lived with me for nearly a year; burning all previous loneliness.  
  
If only I had told Kenshin about Hiro... would things have been different? Would he have been able to keep himself from...?  
  
"Kaoru!" Yahiko's voice drove me back to reality.  
  
I turned on him, leveling him under a fierce glare. "What?!" I spat furiously.  
  
His eyebrows rose. "You were just standing there. Daydreaming again?" His voice mocked me and I nearly screamed in frustration.  
  
I took a short breath in and opened my eyes from closing them in soothing darkness. "Yahiko, I know that you're upset about Kenshin leaving, but I can't control what he does.  
  
I'd never noticed how fierce Yahiko's stare was until he turned it on me. "You could have... you should have... And he's not coming back because of you."  
  
I felt something snap within me as I wheeled on the younger boy. Unfair as it was, I was furious with him for forcing me into a position where I had to justify my emotions. "If I could control things, I wouldn't have to feel like this. I just wanted to get married, and live a normal life, just like my mother did! I didn't need the complications of people talking behind my back, saying that he was my lover. I didn't need him to... to..." The suppressed memory came flooding back, emotions, pain, frustration, confusion, and weak-kneed state of my body, everything. "If I didn't feel like this... so confused... maybe it would all be okay... but it's not, and you can't understand that."  
  
The sound of Hiro clearing his throat pulled my eyes from Yahiko's, and I turned to look at him, heart falling through my feet into the floor before him as he stared at me coolly.  
  
I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut off by a loud crash from outside. I seized my bokken and darted past Hiro to look outside.  
  
I froze upon seeing the multitude of soldier outside. Dressed as ninjas, a cast army was crowded into my yard. "Yahiko...!" I cried faintly.  
  
My student stood beside me, wide-eyed. "This... is because of Shishio..." He murmured, holding up his shinai.  
  
Hiro stood, pressed against the dojo wall in fear. "Then,.. that man has brought this upon us..."  
  
My eyes watered as I reeled in shock. "H-Hiro-kun!" I cried, turning to stare at him. How could he blame this on Kenshin? How, when he hid himself in fear...?  
  
I shivered and held out my bokken. "Hiro... stay back." My eyes fell on Yahiko. "Let's do this."  
  
His emphatic nod and determined eyes told me that he was ready.  
  
"What is it you seek?" I called out to them, and no reply met me. I held out my bokken. "Then is your reply in your swords?" I called back.  
  
The men stalked forward, but froze at the sound of a voice that sent a chill down my spine.  
  
Shinomori Aoshi.  
  
He glared at the men with a stare that could have rivaled Kenshin. "Where is Battousai?"  
  
My hearted stopped. "He... He's not here..." I whispered timidly.  
  
He glared at me. "Then neither I, nor these men, have any business here." He glowered at them as he turned to leave.  
  
My blood was cold with the realization that Aoshi intended to go for Kenshin in Kyoto.  
  
"Kaoru-chan... Who was he?" Hiro approached me, and I pulled away, mind made up and eyes set forward.  
  
"Yahiko... We have to go... Now. We have to warn Kenshin." I brushed past Hiro and walked silently into the dojo to prepare.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Note: Okay... I wanted to get this up fast... so I'm not doing individual replies... Sorry... but 25 replies is a LOT... All of you who replied, I thank you so much... you have my ultimate thanks, and I hope you aren't mad at me for not individualizing! I promise next time!!  
  
BUT, for a gift to all reviewers... **grins mischievously** I took the liberty of getting each and every one of you an aluminum baseball bat... **hands everyone one** And, since Hiro is **still** not liked... **pushes a bound and gagged Hiro forward** Have at thee! **steps back to watch the bloodbath**  
  
Next time, reviewers get more abusive methods toward Hiro, and Bando-chan's super-yummy homemade brownies! 


	7. Memory

Puppeteers  
  
Note: You guys do not even **know** how lucky you are to have this update. I thought the whole state's school computer system was down... but we all got lucky, and the old computers in the lab I work in weren't affected by the evil virus... So I was able to edit this, and now post it... Mind, I apologize for the long, long wait... part of it was me, preparing for the SAT, which I just took, rejoicing in the joy of getting my ACT scores and getting a 28, Derby, Easter... Kami knows, everything... Then Rhi-chan got the chapter and couldn't get it typed until Sunday night because she's in lots of pain with her new braces. Feel for her. ^_^ Give Rhi-chan lots of hugs, because she needs them, and she's my unsung savior...  
  
Disclaimer: Dude, if I owned Rurouni Kenshin, I wouldn't even **bother** with college entrance exams.  
  
Chapter 7- Memory  
  
"Don't you have any friends?!"  
  
I rubbed my face in annoyance at my companion. "Of course I do, Misao- dono."  
  
The young ninja launched herself at my shoulders, latching on and causing me to fall into the sand. I let myself lie there as she called back to me.  
  
"Don't you think they're worried about you?"  
  
"No!" I called back, closing my eyes.  
  
A week, and I had spent every waking moment, and even much of my un- waking moments, tearing myself down.  
  
Fireflies danced across my vision when I closed my eyes, memories playing across my eyes.  
  
I held a hand up to the sky and opened my eyes as I clutched at the air. "Kaoru..." I whispered, a secret, magic word I uttered only to the wind. "No, Misao-dono... I don't think they are..." I said calmly to her face, which suddenly bobbed several feet from mine.  
  
She scoffed. "Some friends they are... I mean real friends Himura." She placed her hands on her hips and stared down at me fiercely. "C'mon now! Lazy bum..."  
  
I don't know where it came from, but I laughed at her then. I closed my eyes and laughed at everything that had happened that week. She sounded like Kaoru then, and I was laughing when I should have been crying.  
  
Misao looked offended as she scowled down at me as I finally wiped tears of laughter from my eyes and slowly stood up, dusting myself off. "What was that about?" She demanded.  
  
I smiled and dusted out my hair. "Don't worry about it, Misao-dono... Just the reminiscing of an old man."  
  
Misao laughed that time. "Old! Hardly!"  
  
I smiled. "Twelve years older then you are, Misao-dono, makes me an old man."  
  
She gaped and I laughed, beginning to walk again. "You're twenty- eight?!" She cried. "No way!"  
  
I smiled back at her and continued walking. "Let's keep going."  
  
She ran to catch up with me. "Don't you have a wife? Kids?"  
  
I bit my lip. "I was married once... My wife died when I was your age."  
  
Misao looked genuinely empathetic. "I'm sorry, Himura... I didn't mean to..."  
  
I shrugged. "It was twelve years ago."  
  
"That's a long time... have you... you know... moved on?"  
  
I stared at my feet. "I..." I sighed. "I have, in a way." The still strong memory of that forbidden, stolen moment I'd taken. I sighed; looking back was painful when I should have been thinking ahead to my impending fate.  
  
I had a great deal of doubt that I would survive my fight with Shishio. If I did... The chances were still against me.  
  
So why was I spending all my time thinking of a woman I'd left behind, never to set eyes on again?  
  
Misao fell into my face, losing the skip in her step. "Himura...? When... you said we had to let go of the past... It was for the better..." She seemed to be putting the words together, but I know what she was asking.  
  
"Yes..." I murmured bitterly. "I left someone behind in Tokyo."  
  
Her innocent eyes were filled with sadness. "Won't she miss you?"  
  
I laughed. "She getting married... She won't have time to worry about a rurouni."  
  
Misao sighed. "You love her..."  
  
"She knows it." I replied, matter-of-factly.  
  
Misao stopped dead. "And... She's not..." She was completely lost for words.  
  
"She doesn't love me." I said calmly. It wasn't that I didn't care about Kaoru anymore, my heart still cried out for her as it was dragged farther and farther away, it was that I couldn't, wouldn't, interfere with what she wanted.  
  
Love was the absolute sacrifice. My master had taught me that when I lived with him, and I had disregarded it as the drunken words of an intoxicated man. Of course, now I was almost no better then him.  
  
I rubbed my face; it was suddenly no wonder why Hiko Seijuro the thirteenth had never married.  
  
Misao had been silent during my thoughts, and when my eyes lost some of their glaze reduced by my pensive stare, she looked at me calmly.  
  
"Is she beautiful?"  
  
The statement shocked me, and I stared at her, mouth slightly parted. I smiled slowly. "You know... I left a week ago... and a week before that an old friend of mine asked the same thing."  
  
Misao blinked innocently, eyes widened. "Really?"  
  
"I told her that she was beautiful... but I don't love her for her beauty, you know. But a geisha may not quite understand that. You, however, are a young romantic girl, Misao-dono." I looked back up at the sky. "You are in love as well."  
  
"Most people say I'm too young to know real love." She paused staring at her feet. "Even Jiya does..."  
  
I smiled. "I see that you are young, yes, but I also see that you are also willing to sacrifice for love. You wouldn't spend your years searching for Shinomori Aoshi if you didn't love some part of him." I paused as her eyes looked back up into mine. "Those who say you are too young do not see the true essence of love... or how mature you have become."  
  
Misao smiled. "Thank you, Himura..." She regained her bouncing step and smiled brilliantly at me. "We're almost to Kyoto." She cried, and I stopped her at a sound muffled by the trees.  
  
"Shh..." I whispered urgently to her.  
  
This time, the noise was unmistakably a terrified scream.  
  
Misao bit her lip and looked at me. "Himura..."  
  
"Come on..." I whispered, turning toward the source at the screams.  
  
We stumbled into a clearing to find a giant of a man and several others encircling a young man and a boy.  
  
The man held out his already shattering katana and instinct took over me. He was dying; the blood that trickled down from wounds above vital areas told me so.  
  
I drew my sword, and Misao's kunai were already between her fingers.  
  
I smirked, loosening the part of me that lived for battle. "Over here." I called, catching the attention of the men. "This is hardly fair..."  
  
The giant stared at me. "You..."  
  
The smirk grew as I crouched into position. "Oh... then you know me?"  
  
The man collapsed against the tree, katana chipping further. The boy was calling his name, crying into his gi.  
  
The tall man smirked at me before turning to his men. "Kill him!"  
  
Misao turned wide-eyed to me. "They know you?!"  
  
I didn't respond, choosing instead to disappear with a displacement of air, the men falling around me until none but the giant stood.  
  
"I don't know who you are... but you certainly in the wrong...."  
  
He laughed. "This man is a traitor. His village is in my control, and he is a traitor. He will go to hell, as his parents did, and his brother will." He smirked at me. "And then I shall kill you... Shishio-sama would be most pleased... My hundredth kill... you!"  
  
Battousai stirred within me, flaring to life. "A hundred kills? What gives you the right to play God?" I called back, raising my sword again.  
  
Misao looked genuinely confused as she watched me with wide eyes. "Himura... what's going on...?"  
  
"Misao-dono... Stand back." I turned my attention back to the giant man. "Go to Shishio and tell him I am here. Tell him Heaven has come to claim his soul and take it to hell!" I laughed later at this, for it was an old habit to call out to my enemies that this was Tenchuu, especially to one who had also been in the Ishin Shishi.  
  
He glared at me, raising his hands, which were bearing weapons. "I will fight, kill you."  
  
I raised my sword. "Go, or prepare to fight your last battle."  
  
He began to take a position to fight me, when a cool, even voice broke through to him.  
  
"Quite a disappointing display... you should know better then to pick fights without Shishio-sama's consent." A smiling teen, possibly only slightly older then Misao, stepped from the shadows. He turned his twisted smile on me. "I, however, have permission."  
  
The dying man uttered a small sound as his final breath left his lings and the familiar feeling of the door of Death creaking open left me icy on the inside.  
  
The familiar sound of the river in Death calling its sweet song to me; urging me to plunge my sword into my abdomen and throw myself in the river.  
  
The boy fell into my own battou-jutsu stance, and I barely noticed, my mind set on keeping my heart, or whatever was left of it, within myself. I took the same stance myself.  
  
Come... let the crimson garnet flow into the sweet lakes of the dwindling, then dying life... release yourself from this mortal word... you sins be washed away in a baptism of you own blood... Come... lay down this world. Shuck it off like a too small skin! Come away with us! Join the people of you past, so very far gone... ones you loved and care so very deeply about... nothing left for you here... only heartache and misery... Come!  
  
The song made my head pound to the primitive beat that hammered itself into my brain. It was only then that I realized that the boy had been talking to me the entire time.  
  
And I had been answering.  
  
We fell into he same, very basic move of the battou-jutsu, and our swords met.  
  
It was over in the half instant that my sword cracked and broke. Over in the second I let my mind wander toward the song, to Kaoru, to Death and all I deserved it for.  
  
I stood in shock, staring at the shards of my sword on the damp earth. It had begun to rain, and I began to pick them up.  
  
I did not hear Saitou's cruel drawl until I saw him. As though he were the reason for my hearing's return.  
  
He lit a cigarette in the cruel, driving rain. "It's been hell waiting for you.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Note: Okay... so I'm giving up on review replies for now... **hands everyone lots of brownies** I've also decided that since you all are so very loyal... **pulls out a large box** Sticking with me when things are tough on me... **begins pulling out strange objects** I've decided that you all get the ultimate poking device... Hiro's looking a little worse for wear since the aluminum bats... and poking is so much fun... **begins handing electrified cattle prods to each and every reviewer** This is the newest torture device... **pushes a bandaged Hiro forward and waves him away** Go have fun with all your friends now, Hiro-kun! **grins happily** Have fu-un!  
  
Next time! Kaoru's in Kyoto with terrible news for Kenshin when they finally come together again... More torturous methods for Hiro, and chibi Sou- chan dolls!!! 


	8. Better This Way

Puppeteers  
  
Note: I'm working at school and at nights... I... will... have... this... done! Probably one or two more chapters after this... Just because I swore to have it done be the 25th of May... thank you all for the reviews... I'm depressed, because I have to find a song I would want to listen to for the rest of my life, and I'm running around trying to find it. I keep thinking, 'You know... if I were MSW-sama, I'd never have this problem... if I could talk to her, she'd tell me some fabulous song I could have...' 'Course... her review wasn't completed... YOU TRIED TO TELL ME SOMETHING!! I NEVER GOT IT!!! TEEELLL ME!!! ::sweat drops:: It's early... gimme a break...  
  
Disclaimer: Second verse, same as the first, only a little bit louder, and a little bit hoarse.  
  
Chapter Eight- Better This Way

__

'It's better this way, I said, having seen this place before. Where everything we said and did hurts us all the more. It's just that we stayed too long in the same old sickly skin. I'm pulled down by the undertow, never thought I could feel so low, and oh, darkness, I feel like letting go.' –Sarah McLachlan 'Full of Grace'

I stood at the corner of a street, the sun streaming through my hair to my downcast eyes. I sighed, turning my face to the sky, bangs falling back as I stepped into the street calmly. Misao had been so upset that I had left, just a few moments before.  
  
Kyoto hadn't changed at all. Still the bustling city it had always been, still full of people afraid of some horror that lay in the shadows. Shishio Makoto threatened the people with his terror, and Saitou and I were the only ones who really seemed to be able to do anything. I fingered the hilt of my new sword gently and kept my focus on the street ahead of me. A little boy stumbled into me, and I caught him. His mother bent over to scold him, turning her face up to mine to smile in gratitude and apologies.  
  
Her face froze, eyes tracing the scar on my cheek; falling on my red hair. I helped the boy up and stepped away, quietly muttering an apology. As I walked away, I heard the woman turn to another woman standing with her.  
  
"Did you see? It was him! I'm sure!" There was an inaudible pause, doubtlessly a sigh. "I wonder why he's here... If he's here to join... to join..." Her voice fell down below my range of hearing.  
  
Soon... Soon... I thought to myself, pressing my will to keep walking and ignore the stares and none-too-discreet comments.  
  
As I looked up to the sky again, I sighed in frustration as my thoughts lingered back to Kaoru. I knew that I shouldn't, for fear that things would get so complicated... I didn't need to linger on her... It was because of her that I'd let my sword catch and break. Slowly shaking my head, I tried to pry her from my thoughts again.

__

"I don't care who you used to be! I don't care that you're Hitokiri Battousai! I don't!" Misao was distraught as she stared painfully at him. "Don't leave me alone again! Don't leave me like you left that poor woman in Tokyo!"

"Kenshin!" My head jerked down instinctively, knowing that voice so well... No...  
  
It just wasn't possible...  
  
I stared across the street at Kaoru, her arm guards on, kimono in slight disarray, waving violently toward me.  
  
My eyes unconsciously searched for Hiro, but there was Yahiko, and not Hiro. I stood still in the street, staring at them as time froze.  
  
Kaoru's eyes met mine. I stared deep into them, searching for some sign, half expecting her to look away as the memory, that memory, burned in my mind.  
  
She stepped into the street, one step toward me. I tried to stop her, beginning to open my mouth, only to find that my vocal cords were frozen.  
  
A second step. Yahiko tried to take her hand to stop her.  
  
She pulled away and took a third step.  
  
I didn't even recognize she was running as the scene played in slow motion before my very eyes. I blinked, dropping my bag to the ground and opening my arms as she hit me, a crying, yelling mess.  
  
"K-Kaoru..." I choked out, instinctively closing my arms around her.  
  
Yahiko stood nearby, watching us with his arms crossed over his chest, shinai strapped to his back.  
  
She stared up at me, pulling her hand over her eyes to push her tears away. "I... we..." She was trying so hard to force the words out, putting them together in her mind. "Shinimori Aoshi... he's coming here... to Kyoto..."  
  
I stared at her, helping her right herself. "You came to Kyoto to tell me that?" It was a stupid response.  
  
She nodded feebly. "Yes..."  
  
I stood farther away from her than I preferred. "You shouldn't have come."  
  
She nodded again. "I know..."  
  
I felt miserable, knowing I was chastising her, when I should have been holding her tightly. "Where's Hiro?"  
  
She stared down at the dry, dusty ground. "In Tokyo... I..."  
  
Yahiko cleared his throat, obviously trying to prevent her from saying something she may have regretted. She nodded slowly.  
  
"Thank you." I said evenly, barely letting the emotions and thoughts raging through my head break through to let her see.  
  
She looked up at me with bright, clear eyes. "I wanted to see you..." She whispered almost inaudibly, for only my ears to detect.  
  
I stared at her in disbelief. "Why...?" I whispered back to her.  
  
Her eyes were dimmed, but a small glimmer of light shone in them as she spoke to me. "Because I don't want you to be gone."

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Note: Muahahahahaha! Short chapter! But fluuuuuffy!!!! Please review and I'll try to get another one up tomorrow or on Monday. ::Grins:: And I have the Sou-chan dolls... ::hands one to everyone:: And... everyone's taking such glee in torture... we've had aluminum bats, electrified cattle prods... And Hiro hasn't been a jerk in this chapter... ::grins:: But he'll be back next chapter. ::gently leads a twitching Hiro forward:: the poor guy... ::sits him down and begins handing everyone big, soft, fluffy pillows:: In honor of this fluffy chapter, I give you fluffy pillows to attack Hiro with... ::leans over to whisper to the reviewers:: he doesn't know that there's bricks in them.


	9. Your Sake

Puppeteers  
  
Note: Muahahahaha! I got a 1210 on my SAT!! I don't have to take it again! I got a 28 on the ACT! I don't have to take that again either! Gods, yes, I'm very happy with this. And my senior culminating project has become the annual 'amoeba project' that continues to grow and assimilate new tasks with each day... I started out with just organizing Earth Day at my school... then decided to utilize my free period to teach freshman about environmentalism. But that wasn't enough, and now I'm helping the 4th grade Science teacher with her 'Environmental Club' for the kids, AND taking over Beta Club. Oh, gee, I think I'm going to be busy next year. Thank you guys so very much for reviewing me and supporting me through my icky moments of Junior year. As a reward, and a great surprise to me, I can extend this story into the summer, and will not have to have it finished by the 25th, as previously planned. Joy!  
  
Wolf Creek- As a matter of fact... I don't know what they feel like... but I have been electrocuted by a fence... But, the point is that it _should_ hurt Hiro... otherwise it wouldn't be torture, would it?  
  
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Chapter Nine- Your Sake  
  
Kaoru's eyes followed me as I moved mechanically to set the bucket of water onto the floor of my master's house. He stared at me. She stared at me.  
  
It was infuriating.  
  
"Kaoru... you don't have to be here. I'm sure Misao-dono would be thrilled if you stayed with her." My voice was even. Training would be difficult, but would become strained if she were near.  
  
Hiko's eyes were shining with something like amusement. I would have hit him if I were still young and reckless. "The young lady can stay if she wants."  
  
Kaoru nodded to him in appreciation. "Thank you..." She murmured quietly, and then looked up at me. "Kenshin, I don't intend to go anywhere... Misao is a lovely girl, but I don't belong there."  
  
"It's for your own good." I replied gently.  
  
Her eyes smiled. "Kenshin, I know you don't want anything to happen to me, but I think I'd be better off here. I know I would be safer if I were closer to you."  
  
_Idiot!_ My mind screamed at me. There was no point to this. No point for the hope I was suddenly feeling. Kaoru was still engaged. Hiro was not just going to disappear. "Kaoru, it's for your sake. I won't be around most of the day, if Hiko-sensei will even let me come back."  
  
My master glanced at me. "That you should not worry about." His eyes hid something from me.  
  
I sighed and dropped my arms uselessly to my side. There was no fighting them. "Fine..." I muttered.  
  
Hiko stood up suddenly and seized my arm, pulling me toward the door roughly. "We need to talk." He growled.  
  
I nodded slowly; numbly.  
  
Kaoru's eyes followed me all the way to the door, where I shook off his hand and turned back to her.  
  
"Sensei... we can talk soon. I have to do something first."  
  
He nodded at me, and walked slowly into the woods with his sake jar in his hand.  
  
I turned back to Kaoru and offered my hand to her. She stood quickly and took it.  
  
I led her to a massive tree and showed her how to climb it. After she was perched on one of the branches steadily, I climbed up myself to a branch directly adjacent to it.  
  
I stared out from the mountain, the lights of Kyoto barely showing in the distance, just as they had not when I was younger. "I used to come here when I was young. When I was done with training for the day... when I was angry at Hiko..." I turned to look at her.  
  
She smiled. "I didn't know... it's a beautiful view though."  
  
I nodded slowly, turning away from her. "It's a lonely place though. I never imagined I would ever bring someone here. It was my secret place." I leaned over slightly and took her hand, guiding it to the trunk. To the mark I had made years before.  
  
Her eyes clouded with incomprehension as her fingers traced the characters. I watched the moonlight catch her skin and make it glow just as realization flashed into her eyes. "Shin...ta..." She whispered and I nodded.  
  
"My secret."  
  
She looked away from the tree, at me. "Shinta..."  
  
"Kenshin." I told her. "Kenshin, as long as I shall live... Because Shinta is gone."  
  
She gave away her pity with her eyes, and I knew.  
  
_Kaoru..._ Her name echoed through my head over and over as her eyes stared into mine. _Dear Kami... This isn't right...  
_  
"Kenshin..." She began, trailing off slowly.  
  
I stared at her, knowing what had to be done. What she was asking. What was right. What I had to do. "Kaoru... Go back to Tokyo. And if you won't go back there, then go to Kyoto. Stay with Misao... You can't stay here. For your sake." I pulled her from the branch and helped her to the ground. "Go back to Hiro..." I smiled sadly. "For your sake."  
  
And I turned back into the night, walking toward the forest. She wasn't crying this time. She wasn't screaming... just standing there. Silent.  
  
Silent.  
  
Silent.  
  
"You're wrong... Shinta." She said calmly.  
  
I paused in my step for a moment. "For my sake, Kaoru-dono."  
  
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Note: Actually... this chapter was completely stream of consciousness... I swear. But I like this chapter a lot... I know everyone's mad at me now... but I promise there's a point to everything, and there will be a good, somewhat happy ending. But since I can extend this, I can add things that will make the plot better.  
  
Reviews! Please review this time around... ::hands everyone homemade chocolate:: For you all... to enjoy... ::grins and bounces happily:: Hiro's a bit tired... asleep right now... ::points to him sleeping in the corner and smiles:: So... do be quiet... ::coughs emphatically and hands everyone bullhorns:: Review please! 


	10. Irritation

Puppeteers  
  
Note: Okay... this was actually going to be the 11th chapter... The tenth chapter was going to be something else... but someone has my disk, and I have to wait to get it done until Monday. It's not going to change the events... I kinda prefer this chapter to happen first as the tenth chapter, and 'I Remember' as the eleventh... Another little interlude...  
  
Disclaimer: THIRD verse, same as the first freakin' two. NOT MINE!  
  
Poppy2- Um... well... as is going to be said in this chapter... and I've actually mentioned before... Kaoru's 'love' for Hiro isn't sudden at all... She's known Kenshin for 10 months, and the traditional period for courtship is a year... So... the courtship actually began two months before Kenshin even showed up. Meaning... yeah, Kaoru wasn't just spontaneously falling for him- she knew him long before she met Kenshin.  
  
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Chapter Ten- Irritation (Yahiko's Interlude)  
  
I kicked a rock.  
  
It scuttled off ahead of me, and I followed it slowly. Kaoru was working at the Aoiya with Misao, watching her cook and calmly sweeping the floors.  
  
She was such a... There wasn't a word to describe her stupidity. She had left Kenshin on that stupid mountain, come back to the Aoiya, where Kenshin had taken us before he'd left for said mountain. She had a fiancée, who I didn't like, and there was a man who was in love with her, who she was...  
  
Like I said. No words to describe her.  
  
I kicked the rock again.  
  
And Kenshin wasn't too much better. He'd confessed his love for her... and then left her there. She followed him all the way to this god-forsaken, stupid city, and he _leaves_ her again! I bit back a growl of frustration. I didn't understand adults.  
  
I knew what they _should_ do, and I was ten! They couldn't figure it out... Kaoru, whether she knew it or not, had fallen for the rurouni long before Hiro had come to end their courtship and begin the engagement.  
  
I kicked the rock.  
  
Kaoru had never even _mentioned_ that she had someone courting her... A year for courting... and Kenshin had met her ten months before Hiro showed up... She had never _said_ anything.  
  
I picked up the damn rock and threw it with all my strength. "It's so damn stupid!" I yelled, attracting strange stares from other people, who quickly hurried away from me.  
  
And how _dare_ Hiro just show up? Leave the girl behind to face all the crap that came her way... and then just show up one day when their courtship ended. It hadn't even _been_ a real courtship!  
  
I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder, and I jumped, looking up. "S-Sanosuke!" I cried, jumping back.  
  
The fighter grinned at me. "Hey, kid."  
  
I glared daggers at him. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
He shrugged. "What are you doing here, hmm? You got Kaoru here, right?"  
  
I kicked at the dirt. "She brought me. Aoshi's coming here for Kenshin, and she decided she had to warn him."  
  
His eyebrows rose. "Is that all?"  
  
"That's all she said."  
  
He nodded slowly. "Have you seen Kenshin yet?"  
  
I nodded. "He went to see his teacher... to learn something... probably something for Shishio. He sent her back here."  
  
His eyes glanced up the sky, which was darkening rapidly with storm clouds. "Where are you two staying?"  
  
"The Aoiya... it's run by Aoshi's group here... only the larger group he came from, I think. They're pretty much against what he's doing... Kenshin met one of them on his way here, and she offered to take us in when he brought us back to her."  
  
"Can you take me there?"  
  
I nodded and led him toward the restaurant. "It's gonna storm... What took you so long to get here?"  
  
He looked troubled. "I... had some... directional issues."  
  
"You got lost."  
  
"That's a bit harsh." He laughed, and then sobered quickly. "How long is Kenshin gonna be gone?"  
  
"He wasn't sure," I replied slowly. "He said it may be a week or so..."  
  
Sano looked at me as we stood in front of the restaurant. "He'd best hurry... things are gonna be bad..."  
  
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Note: Whoo!!! ::hands out a full set of RK chibi dolls to all reviewers:: Thanks for the reviews! Please do so again!! ::hugs Hiro, whose eyes dart around the room quickly, muttering:: Poor Hiro's a bit schizophrenic now... afraid of anything moving... Poor guy won't sleep... ::lets him go and begins to walk around to each review, handing them random small objects:: Thumbscrews for some of you... others get the new tasers they're trying out here in exchange for guns... ::grins and walks toward the door:: Bye, Hiro!! Be well!! They'll take care of you! 


	11. I Remember

Puppeteers  
  
Note: Thanks to all of you who mentioned my CEE (Certifiably Evil Examinations) scores! You guys actually made more of a fuss than my family did... It was kinda depressing. But, the fuss you guys made was nice... Thank you! And... This chapter's not going to be fluffy... not really... but it's important... VERY important. Um... yeah...Bando-chan had a panic attack trying to get her disk to work... I lost the corrections on my personal narrative... and then I couldn't get the disk to work... and... I nearly started to cry... and then I found the computer I'm working on now... but the narrative is doomed, I think. ::coughs emphatically:: This is an announcement! This chapter will be the FINAL CHAPTER OF THE SCHOOL YEAR. ::grins:: Which, if you have been paying attention to my notes, you'll know was yesterday. ::dances happily:: After this chapter, the chapters will start to become longer again, and should be updated every other day. SHOULD. Also, the story will be finished in about two weeks from today... Wo0t! I'm also thinking about the 'successor' to this story... and I'm still in contemplation... I'll probably have a poll to see how many would like to see each story in another update.  
  
Disclaimer: Did I do this last time? Um... Not mine!  
  
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Chapter Ten- I Remember  
  
I clenched my fist around the handle of the bucket, staring down at the small mound with the small stone at the head.  
  
The sun shone brightly down on my hair, and as I moved I could see the brilliancy of its hue. I set the bucket down beside me, a small splash of yellow on the brown of the dirt.  
  
"It's been a long time..." I murmured to the stone, kneeling down next to the bucket of flowers. "I don't think you can reply... but it seemed right... I never came here, because I was afraid of what I'd find." I sighed, pushing my bangs out of my eyes. "And I need to know... I wanted to know what to do."  
  
The wind blew over me, and the flowers shifted in the bucket.  
  
"I didn't forget you, I can't forget you, but I think I'm in love again... She's a wonderful woman, but I don't know what you would think of her. She's a kendo instructor, and bullheaded... But so kind... And forgiving..." I fell forward onto my hands, staring at the ground, teeth gritted.  
  
"It's not right." I whispered. "She's getting married, and I want to keep her away from that. Master... he knew of you, and he told me... he told me to go on... But I can't... And I can't hate Hiro either. He's just a man. And I'm sure he loves her... and he can take care of her like I can't. And..." I closed my eyes. "And I shouldn't be in love with her..."  
  
The winds swirled around me.  
  
"You were always a forgiving woman. I loved you... then... I'm sure I would have stayed with you... we could have lived together... and it wouldn't matter if the radishes died, because we would have been together. I wouldn't have minded if you stayed up late writing in your diary... But I would have wanted you to come to bed sometime." I opened my eyes and stared at my hands.  
  
"I loved you, Tomoe." The winds died and the flowers stopped moving. I heard the trees swaying in their tops. "But I'm in love with her, now that you haven't been here for so long." My thoughts strayed into the near future. "Saitou... I think you may remember him... he's coming to take me to the mountain tomorrow morning. Tomoe, I think I may die there. I don't want to... I want to be here, where I can at least see her. But if I die... please... come see me in Hell. I don't want to go... I want to know what I'm supposed to do now... I want to know how I'm supposed to move on past this. She's going to marry him... and I pushed her back to him... because I don't have the right to start problems... don't have the right to create a rift between them. She loves him..."  
  
There was no sound, as though the entire world had stopped. The trees had stopped moving, and the winds didn't move.  
  
"What can I do?" I asked softly to the silence that clouded my senses.  
  
The wind touched my face softly, like the feel of silk brushing over my cheek. I looked up slowly to look at the marker, feeling the sound return to the world. The breeze carried the petal of a cherry blossom down to my hand. I blinked, staring at it, then back up to the stone. "But..." I started, before more and more petals fell around me.  
  
I reached over and picked one up. "Then you mean... that..." I closed my eyes and nodded, standing up slowly. "If I live... If I make it... and if she will... if she would let it be... I will come back, Tomoe." I caught one of the falling blossoms. "And... I think I'll bring her with me." The flowers shifted again in the wind, and I nodded, turning away from the stone. "See you then."  
  
I felt for my sword, and began to walk back through the streets of Kyoto. The sun was falling toward the horizon in the late afternoon sky. "I have one night to get this right..." I muttered as I walked toward the sun.  
  
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Note: Whoo! Yep, if you can guess by this chapter, there will be fluff next chapter. Also, if you think back to chapter two, you'll remember that Kenshin said he should go back to see Tomoe, because she might have answers... so he did, and this is the beginning of the turning point in his approach toward his problem... Granted, there's still more to come, but at least he's not stuck on one of his problems, ne? ::jumping happily:: Anyways... I'm so glad you all took such excellent care of Hiro! ::pats his head kindly:: He hasn't been seen for five chapters now... I was supposed to include him again... um... a couple chapters ago... but I think I'll actually bring him back next chapter. ::hands out Hiro chibi dolls:: I think these should suffice for now... ::laughs evilly and helps Hiro out of the room, returning quickly:: Okay... these aren't just regular chibi dolls, like the ones I've been handing out... these... are voodoo dolls! ::grins proudly:: And... he's in his little bed... relaxing... for now, at least. 


	12. Promises

Puppeteers  
  
Note: Yay! The first chapter of the summer! It still hasn't set in that I'm a senior... I'm top dog. The alpha female. I'm on top... and I can't even acknowledge it that much. I even changed my MSN screen name so that it reads, 'Senior... Senior... Senior... My body screams 'Sophomore!', my mind screams 'Junior still!', and reality yells, 'Senior, stupid!'...and that's how I feel...but... Junior year is over... and now I'm tackling the next bear... does it ever end? Anyway... I wanted to wait and let everyone get caught up to this chapter (I also have the next chapter done as well)... but I was so excited about it... I couldn't wait... so I'm posting now... I hope it doesn't mean I'll get less reviews...   
  
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me! I'm not claiming ownership... so just... don't sue...  
  
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_'Well don't you know that time is a broken glass that splinters against the wall? ... Don't go making all these promises you know you cannot keep. There's a time to play a king and a time to be a thief. 'Cause if you're making all these promises you know you cannot keep, you know time will be the thief and your fallen king will end up alone... I'd take advantage, but I can't see through this charade. So don't you, don't go make it harder than hell.' _

_-Savage Garden 'Promises'  
_  
Chapter Twelve- Promises  
  
I looked out over the roofs of Kyoto. They were just the same... except they were so different... I shook my head. I wasn't making any sense, not even to myself.  
  
I sighed and shifted to lay my arms on my bent knees. I hadn't slept like I always did in times like those, when I wore my clothes and propped myself against the wall. Instead, I chose to wear a sleeping yukata and sleep on a futon, on what may have been my last night on the earth.  
  
It didn't change the feeling of foreseen horrors to come the next day, which kept me from my much-needed sleep anyway. So I sat on the roof, looking up at the stars, hoping to all the kami that I would survive if Kaoru wouldn't hate me... and let me die she would. I shivered at the thought of the river taking me, after I had spent so many years escaping its icy touch.  
  
The wind caught on the robe, lifting it in its gentle touch. I raised my face to the stars, letting them shine onto me, for what I hoped would not be the last time.  
  
I felt someone climbing onto the roof with me, and I relaxed slightly. I had managed to avoid talking to Kaoru all through the day, for fear I would say something that, should I have died, she would remember regretfully for the rest of her days... but that seemed wrong to me anyway.  
  
"Kaoru..." I murmured, not taking my eyes off the stars.  
  
I could feel her ki tense, then relax. "What are you doing so up so late? Tomorrow is important..."  
  
I smiled, unmoving. "What are _you _doing up so late, hmm?"  
  
I could feel her eyes soften as they watched me. "Worrying about you." She was being honest... but... I didn't understand. She was in love with Hiro... wasn't she? Wasn't that why she was marrying him?  
  
"You shouldn't worry about me." I told her patiently, but firmly.  
  
She sighed and moved closer to me. She tugged on the sleeves of her own yukata. "I can't help it, Kenshin. I told you... I don't want you to be gone... I hate being at the dojo and having Yahiko storm around, hating me... I don't want to wake up in the morning and cook... or do laundry... I miss having you around, Kenshin... I miss our talks when I take a bath... I miss our talks when we do... whatever... I miss it... and it's gone, if you are."  
  
I sighed. "Kaoru... those are the things you have to learn to enjoy with Hiro."  
  
She stared at me with sorrowful eyes. "How can you say that? I know that you love me... you told me you did... it's not like you to just... say something like that."  
  
I smiled and touched her shoulder, finally bringing my head down to look at her. "Kaoru... you've known him longer... you chose him before you even attacked me on the street... before you saved me from being arrested... before the sword bearing police threatened to hurt you because of me..." I sighed, but kept my smile. "Kaoru... you're engaged to him. And no matter how much I love you, even if I love you more than Hiro does, I cannot ask you to leave him. For your sake... For your honor, which I swore to myself that I would protect."  
  
I closed my eyes, fireflies dancing over my eyes again. "When you took me in, I also swore that I wouldn't let you get caught up in things because of me. But then Kurogasa kidnapped you, and I was furious... I had promised in my heart that I would protect you, no matter what the cost, and I let you slip through my fingers... I was so angry at myself... but I had to get you back." I opened my eyes and stared right into hers, where her entire soul was bared to me.  
  
"I would have killed him to get you back... and even then I knew it was too late... that I was already too attached... already falling in love with you. But, Kaoru, I can't ask you to turn Hiro away for me. No... not when your relationship with him is less confusing... more beneficial to you..." I pulled my hand away from her.  
  
Her hand raised and caught mine. "Kenshin... I swear... I promise..."  
  
I held a finger to her lips. "Don't... Just... don't make it harder for yourself."  
  
She shook her head. "Kenshin... I... I was angry after you said goodbye... I was so angry that you had put me into such a position... and I didn't know why... I thought maybe it was because you were just supposed to be my friend... but that didn't seem right. I thought then it was because you were forcing me to choose between an old friend from my childhood, and a wanderer who is prone to leave at any moment, if things get bad enough, just to keep other people safe... I could convince myself of that... but then Hiro couldn't fight... he was so afraid that..." She shook her head. "He cowered, when you would have raised your sword... I found myself comparing the two of you... and thinking how it wasn't fair, but I never thought of why it wasn't fair..."  
  
"Kaoru... don't do this." I whispered to her, my breath catching in my throat.  
  
She shook her head and held my hand tighter. "Kenshin... I don't want you gone... ever... Hiro is a good man... I think I may love him... but I don't know if it's the same thing... if it's the love that people spend their entire lives searching for."  
  
I shook my head. "Kaoru... please... don't..." I didn't want her to say something she would regret. "Please don't."  
  
She shook her head. "Kenshin... let me say it. I know why you don't want me to... why you're trying to keep me from saying it... I understand... and after I say it... I'll stay here at the Aoiya until you get back... and you had better come back... After that... I'll go back to Tokyo... and I'll marry Hiro."  
  
I hung my head, staring at the roof under us. I looked up at the stars, which were the witnesses to what I had done weeks before. Stars and fireflies. My witnesses. I shook my head. "Kaoru..." I murmured. "It's not right."  
  
"It's okay, Kenshin... nothing's quite right anymore..." She smiled at me. "Kenshin... the reason it wasn't fair to compare the two of you... is because you would always win... because you would always, _always_ beat out Hiro in my mind. You would raise your sword and die like a true samurai... even though you aren't a true samurai..." Her finger tapped my chest, directly over my heart. "You have the heart of a samurai... the heart of a sword... but your heart is still big... still loving and caring... you can still love..." She paused, and then continued, dark sapphire eyes shining in the starlight. "Hiro has the blood of a warrior... the blood of a samurai... but the heart of a coward. It's no contest... but..." She looked out onto the roofs. "But I thought I could love him... He disappeared during our courtship... it would seemingly go faster that way, if we did what we did best..."  
  
She sighed, and shook her beautiful head. "But then... you happened... and Yahiko came... and Sanosuke... Even Megumi... All of you... just suddenly in my life. I wasn't alone anymore... I almost forgot I was being courted with the excitement that surrounded us."  
  
I sighed, closing my eyes. "And then... Hiro came back to end the courtship."  
  
She nodded miserably. "I love him, Kenshin... I do... he and I grew up together. You always love your childhood playmate... and... things just got..." She started to laugh bitterly. "You know the rest..."  
  
I sighed. "Kaoru... I may die in the morning... fighting Shishio... I don't want to die..." I closed my eyes and rubbed my arms. "I'm afraid to die."  
  
She leaned over and hugged me loosely. Our eyes met, and she held me closer. "Kenshin...?" Her voice was barely audible.  
  
"Aa?" I whispered back.  
  
"I'll go back... I'll marry him... but... I have a favor to ask... just one..."  
  
I nodded very slowly. "Yes? What is it?"  
  
"Stay with me. Just tonight... and I swear it will be enough... I won't ask you to stay with us and watch me live my entire life with another man... I won't ask you to do my laundry, or cook my meals... or talk with me while you mind the fire for my bath... Never, ever again... Just... stay tonight... Don't leave until the morning, when you have to... and then..." She closed her eyes, and I felt a single drop of hot wetness on my cheek. "I won't be selfish... I won't ask you to do what you would do, just for me... because I know it would break your heart."  
  
I raised my hand and wiped one of her eyes with a calloused thumb. "It's all we'll ever have... and it's still not right... It's infidelity."  
  
"I'm asking you, Kenshin."  
  
I paused. "Why?"  
  
She stared at her hands. "Because...you're right... I can't just leave Hiro... I'm still engaged... we're still getting married... But I can't change this thing inside me... not now... it's too late for me, too. I'll marry him... but I won't ever forget you."  
  
All I could think was that it was a dream. There was no other logical explanation for Kaoru and me to be sitting on a roof, in Kyoto, in our sleeping clothes, while she asked me to spend a night with her before she left to get married, and I to die.  
  
And as I took her into my arms, I surrendered to the part of me that had been telling me to throw away sensible actions.  
  
I threw away all logic.  
  
I stayed the night with Kaoru.  
  
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Note: Dammit... this chapter didn't turn out at all like I wanted it to. It was supposed to influence the rest of the story, and lead up to a later chapter (which it did, by the way. I accomplished that... and that's about it). However... it was supposed to be another very sad chapter, which this is... but it's bittersweet, in a way. The way I'd wanted it, was for them to sit on the roof and talk about everything, and then somehow leave things in the air. When I was re-reading it to make sure I wrote it okay (I wrote this between 1 AM and 3 AM), I decided that, while not exactly how I'd intended, the story wrote itself and I liked how this is going to transition more than the other way...  
  
Thank you all again for your wonderful reviews! ::hugs you all:: I can't express how much I love all of you for... for everything. When I sign in and check my stats, and then see I have new reviews, I get really happy... Thank you!! Poor Hiro's really looking bad, isn't he? ::hears silence:: What? You think he needs more torture? ::smiles innocently:: Okay, Bando-chan... you're a Utilitarian-esque person... The greater good, ne? Maximum utility! ::pulls out a big box:: Come on up! Leave a review, pick your favorite torture device from Bando-chan's Box of Torturous Things, and Hiro's waiting calmly over in his chair... isn't he a good boy? ::smiles at Hiro, who is duct taped to a chair::


	13. Trouble

Puppeteers  
  
Note: This chapter is named for a song done by my god... What Camui Gackt is to MSW-sama, Cat Stevens is to me. He is a god. This particular song Bando- chan first heard while watching 'Harold and Maude', which is a FANTASTIC movie. I cried at the end and I recommend watching the movie if you haven't already. Anyway, nearly every single one of you hit the idea on the head about the end of the last chapter. You all were confused as to what happened... and that was the point... sort of... I left what could have happened up to your imaginations... If you read this chapter well enough, you should catch a couple tiny hints as to what I imagined would happen... if not... well, simply use your imagination anyway.  
  
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me, oh magical owners of all things used! None of the songs belong to me! None of the characters (except Hiro) are mine! Don't sue me!  
  
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Chapter Thirteen- Trouble  
  
I dressed in a daze, my mind still coming to accept the night before. Kaoru was in another room, and we had agreed not to look at each other, knowing that we would break our promise from the night before if we did. I ran my hand through my hair before I tied it back into its ponytail. "Kaoru." I whispered to the tatami. To the shoji. The disheveled futon. Every part of the room would hear her name, and remember it when we both were gone.  
  
_'But I won't ever forget you...'_ Her words rang through my head as I straightened my gi over my shoulders. I shook my head.  
  
_Definitely not the time to be reminiscing, Himura..._ I thought to myself, picking up my sword. I looked back over the room, watching as the room played time back for me. I fastened the sword to my waist and gripped it tightly as I slid open the shoji.  
  
The hallway was gone before I even knew it. I was already at the door. Already stepping out of the building to what I had felt coming for days.  
  
As I walked into the street, I felt the eyes of the entire group of people gathered to see Saitou, Sanosuke, and myself off, set on me. I didn't bother to force a smile this time, trying to remain stoic. Trying not to look at Kaoru.  
  
I didn't feel her eyes on me, but her ki was seeking mine. Sanosuke and Yahiko exchanged an unreadable look just as I stretched my own ki out to meet hers.  
  
Misao smiled weakly at me. "Try... to bring him back, won't you?"  
  
I nodded. "I won't try, Misao-dono. I will."  
  
She smiled gratefully at me. I tried to smile.  
  
I was still facing the group when a voice behind me broke my thoughts apart.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
I could feel Kaoru's heart sink with my own, while we were still close enough to feel each other's presence. While we still were connected together.  
  
Yahiko was the only one who could find the words to address Hiro. "He's going to take care of Shishio Makoto."  
  
Hiro glanced warily at Saitou before looked at Kaoru. "Kaoru-chan... we should go back to Tokyo."  
  
Yahiko opened his mouth to protest, but Sano clamped his hand over it, muttering something into his ear.  
  
Kaoru nodded. "We will, Hiro. After they come back alive."  
  
I breathed inside. Kaoru wanted me alive... she would stay long enough to see me alive again... and then... I let out an inaudible, shuddering sigh. And then we would never see each other again.  
  
Hiro opened his mouth, but quickly shut it.  
  
_A good choice..._ My vindictive half murmured in my head.  
  
Saitou pulled out a cigarette and lit it. "Are we going to just stand here for the rest of the day and socialize?"  
  
Sanosuke growled. "No. Let them say goodbye, you unfeeling jerk. What if Kenshin dies?"  
  
Saitou shrugged. "Then he isn't strong enough."  
  
Sano muttered something and shoved his hands into his pockets.  
  
Hiro turned to me. "Himura-san... Good luck... when you come back... I... I would like you to come to the wedding... please..." He regarded me with obvious fear. Fear creates hate in the hearts of men, and he was a coward. He was terrified of me. Battousai scoffed within me, so obviously irritated that I had let us be beaten by a coward.  
  
It would have been a kind gesture, perhaps Hiro even believed it was; but Kaoru and I jerked our heads up and out of the stupor that had overtaken us, glancing into each other's eyes for a brief instant. It was against the deal we'd made, but... we still didn't want to give up one last chance to see one another, no matter how bitter it would be for us. No matter how we would be screaming inside.  
  
I nodded slowly, not really looking at Hiro, but past him to Kaoru. "I... would... like that... very much." I bowed to them, never taking my eyes from Kaoru's. Her eyes no longer shone, like they had for so long. Her eyes were quiet and dimmed, but they stared back into mine with absolution. I nodded so very slightly, in affirmation to her that this was all we could do. Her eyes turned to the ground demurely in acknowledgement.  
  
I turned, following Saitou and Sanosuke, and started down the street. When we were out of earshot, Saitou glanced sideways at me. "You shouldn't give her up to such a disgrace."  
  
I kept my head high. "It's better this way."  
  
Saitou made a small growl in his throat. "To the boy, maybe." He shook his head. "I don't understand you. You love that girl, and I know she loves you." He was silent then, as thought he was done on the subject.  
  
Sano, not breaking his pace, reached into his shirt and pulled out a long length of silk cloth. "She asked if I'd give this to you... she said... it once gave you luck..." He pressed the blue ribbon into my hands.  
  
I stared at it for a moment, contemplating. "I... hope it does this time..." I muttered back, lifting the ribbon to my face and taking in her scent. The same scent that had lingered in my nostrils through the entire night. "I'll have put it somewhere safe." Kaoru didn't have to be there in order to tell me that I wouldn't have to return it. I tied around my arm.  
  
Saitou watched me with his yellow eyes. "Do you honestly intend to die?" His piercing look stared straight through me.  
  
"I hope that I don't, Saitou-san. I don't want to die. I want to come back to her... even if it is to her wedding."  
  
He shook his head. "You are far too patient a man." He laughed callously. "Or you're just masochistic."  
  
I shrugged. "I suppose I am."  
  
Sano watched me for a moment, and then sighed. "Kenshin... you're different..." He shook his head. "It's weird. I can't explain it."  
  
I looked down at the ribbon. There was so much I would have to let go, if I came back. But... Kaoru's ribbon brushed against my hand. We were both in trouble now. I knew that neither of us wanted to leave the other, but we were forcing ourselves apart. Going back, even to see her marry another man... it was dangerous. It was trouble.  
  
"She really did love Hiro... In a way" I murmured quietly.  
  
Sano looked up at me. "Kenshin..."  
  
I smiled, one of the truest smiles I had given in months. Pain was there, in my eyes. Misery was there, in my heart. "I'm going to be okay. Just as long... as we're left alone to suffer... as long as we never have to relive it every day..." I shook my head. "But we have to concentrate..." My eyes rose to the horizon, where destiny waited for us.  
  
"We promised that we would come back."  
  
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_'Trouble, oh trouble, can't you see? You're eating my heart away, and there's nothing much left of me... Trouble, oh trouble, move away. I have seen your face and it's too much for me today. Trouble, Oh trouble, can't you see? You have made me a wreck, now won't you leave me in my misery?'  
  
-Cat Stevens 'Trouble'_  
  
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Note: Did you catch the hints? If you didn't... well... that's fine. Anyway, I want all of you to know that Puppeteers is coming down to its final chapters. In this chapter, I have set things up so that everyone may or may not have a vague idea of what the last few chapters will cover. It looks like this will be a fifteen-chapter story, with an epilogue posted after the fifteenth chapter.  
  
This time... Continue where you were in your torture... I'm extending the last session of torture, and requesting aid from you all for my next story. ::hands out her famous cake cookies and sits back down:: I'm going to present the prospective plots, and I would appreciate it if YOU ALL VOTED IN YOUR REVIEW. This will help me get a good idea of what you all would like to see up here next.  
  
I have some basic ideas (listed below the titled ideas), which are very rough, and will require time and thought in order to put them together. I also have some stories that have at least been started, if not are already several chapters in, or half complete. Whichever gains the most votes, will be the next story I work on... the others may eventually get done (depending on how much that particular muse likes me), but will be put up at a later date. There is one KH fic, that, even though the readers here are for RK, I want to know I if it will go over decently... but if you don't mind the shonen-ai, like the game, and would like to see the story up and complete (it's about halfway completed in my notebook), please do mention this in your review with your vote on the RK story.  
  
A Different Side of Me: [Kingdom Hearts]- On Paopu Island, Sora manages to take, and hold, Riku's hand. The two of them get transported to Hollow Bastion, where they discover the evils that can grow in the hearts of men, and the love that can find a way to bloom in the desolate, emotionally devoid abyss they have found themselves in. (Yes, this one would be R/S slash)  
  
The Far Side of Heaven: [Rurouni Kenshin]- Kenshin has wandered for six years, finally ending up in Tokyo three years before the series would have happened. He meets Kaoru, who is a carefree, happy girl of fifteen. Kaoru teaches him to live again, Kenshin teaches her to cope with the sorrow that engulfs her when tragedy strikes, and together they learn how to love... even when breaking all the rules.  
  
The Samurai Wives: [Rurouni Kenshin]- (I tweak history here, and I don't care) Kaoru is the unknowing daughter of the new emperor. Having been sent to the Tokeiji in order to be kept safe from possible assassination, Kaoru is raised to distrust men. However, when she is discovered, the Ishin Shishi rescues her with their best assassin, who has orders to keep her safe. In time, the cold assassin and the suspicious princess begin to melt each other's shells, upsetting the very foundations of their beliefs with the emotion they never allowed themselves to feel.  
  
- The Tokeiji was a nunnery created during the feudal era to which an abused wife, who could take no more of her husband and husband's family's abuse, could run away. After the woman had stayed at the nunnery for about three years, she could leave, completely free from her husband and the confines of their marriage.  
  
-Untitled ideas-  
  
(Fantasy) Kaoru, the daughter of a feudal samurai, has had her marriage arranged for her against her will. Rather than giving in, she attempts to commit suicide, only to have her life spared by a wind spirit who has fallen in love with her. She is taken to a world of spirits, where she meets characters quite unlike any she has ever seen before (KK, actually... I promise)  
  
(AU/Angst)- Kamiya Kenji has never felt like he belongs with his family. His red hair and small frame give him away that he does not fit in with his dark haired, taller siblings. Making matters worse, his estranged father does not treat him with the same regard as his sisters. However, when his mother remarries to a man, Himura Kenshin, Kenji begins to discover the secrets that surround his very existence, and the greatest secret of all: the sin of his creation, which could destroy his entire world.  
  
Please vote! I need to know! Thank you! 


	14. Falling

Puppeteers  
  
Note: The final count isn't in yet for the next story... if you haven't voted yet, please do so! It is a huge favor, so I don't have to pick the next story, and risk that it won't be liked at all... so if you like the idea, please put in your vote! If there is a tie (of the few votes I have right now, there is none, though it does look as though 'The Samurai Wives' is going be my next story... as of right this second... as I write this...), I will have a final poll between the stories in the epilogue. Whichever gains the most votes there, will be the new story.  
  
Disclaimer: Please, Watsuki-sama! Don't sue me for this! I just enjoy your characters so much that I had to... borrow them... for a while... They're not... much worse for the wear... and I'm having fun... They're not mine, I say! Just don't sue me!  
  
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_'Heaven bend to take my hand and lead me through the fire. Be the long awaited answer to a long and painful fight. Truth be told, I tried my best... Though I've tried, I've fallen. I have sunk so low. I messed up... so don't come round here and tell me I told you so...We believe we can change ourselves, the past can be undone. But we carry on our backs the burdens time always reveals. In the lonely light of morning. In the wound that would not heal. It's the bitter taste of losing everything I've held so dear...'  
  
-Sarah McLachlan 'Fallen'_  
  
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Chapter Fourteen- Falling  
  
As I slid in and out of consciousness, Sanosuke carried me with the utmost care back to Kyoto. The pain all over my body seared into my brain.  
  
_I'm dying..._ I thought to myself. _I'm dying... and I'll never even get to see Kaoru again..._  
  
Sanosuke shot me a quick glance. "You're not dead, Kenshin. You're okay... and you will see Kaoru again, you rurouni idiot."  
  
"Did... I... say that... out loud?" I muttered, head cast down to the passing dirt.  
  
"Yes." Aoshi spoke few words, but he was no longer trying to kill me. In fact... he had come to help me...  
  
"Oh..." I murmured. "What else... did I... say out loud?"  
  
Sano shifted, pulling me higher onto his shoulder. "Just a lot of senseless stuff..." He told me, keeping his eyes on the darkening path back to Kyoto.  
  
"Oh..." I would have nodded, but moving in excess hurt so much. "Thank you... Sanosuke..."  
  
He looked at me and sighed. "Kenshin... it's the least I can do..." Aoshi was silent, but he looked at me in an unspoken understanding of something I was feeling.  
  
I sighed, feeling consciousness ebb away again. "How much... further...?" I whispered, feeling my blood growing thick and heavy on the surface of my wounds.  
  
"Soon, Kenshin... soon." Sano told me soothingly.  
  
I made a quiet sound of affirmation, closing my eyes. I blacked out again.  
  
When I came to, the road leading to the Aoiya slid into focus. As my ears cleared out from their fuzzy state, I heard a loud commotion and felt the vibrations of Kaoru hitting Sano.  
  
"Kenshin!" She cried, and I felt her arms take me from Sano. Her arm was cut, I noticed, and I tried to tell her that, but my voice was suddenly gone, replaced by the absolute bliss of lying in Kaoru's arms one... last... time...  
  
Hiro stood nearby, arms crossed over his chest, with his eyes preoccupied, rather than truly watching us.  
  
"Kaoru..." I whispered. "Kaoru..." It was all I could manage, my breathing uneven and that long slash down my back bleeding slowly. The deep wound from Shishio's sword was still bleeding as well, all over Kaoru, I noted. I was fading in pain, but even my blurry vision held her in my sight. _Kaoru... Kaoru...Oh, Kaoru... _My thoughts were stuck, repeating her name over and over as she existed, the very center of my being.  
  
"You're hurt so badly..." She whispered, her hand touching the shoulder that had been bitten. The remaining part of one of the sleeves of my gi slid off my arm, hanging limply in the dirt, where I had not even realized that Kaoru had lowered me to.  
  
"It's... not so bad..." I told her, realizing that we were breaking our promise barely a single day after making it. "Let me go..." I whispered to her, staring up at her softly.  
  
Hiro turned his gaze on me, and I almost felt myself shiver. "Kaoru-chan... he needs to see a doctor..." It was only then that I spotted the bandages he wore on his body. _He... was in the attack... What happened to him...?_ I thought, still unmoved by Kaoru.  
  
((()))  
  
I stared up at the ceiling, bandages tied around each wound. _All but the ones on my heart..._ I thought, moving my hands up to my head, which still burned with a fever. I shivered and pulled my blanket closer around me. It was the dead of night, the day after I had returned from Shishio's lair, and I was alone... awake...  
  
The world was too quiet.  
  
A footstep outside my door was as soft as the ki of the person who had made it.  
  
I turned my eyes to stare at Kaoru as she opened the shoji door. "Kaoru..." I stated quietly. Tenderly.  
  
She padded softly to the futon after sliding the shoji shut behind her. "Kenshin... how are you feeling?" She pushed my damp bangs out of my face, letting her fingers linger on my forehead.  
  
"You shouldn't be here." I whispered.  
  
"I wanted to make sure you were okay."  
  
I sighed, but lay still on the futon. Moving still hurt a bit, if I were to do so a great deal. "We still shouldn't be... here... together..."  
  
She traced her finger over the scars on my cheek. "I know..." She sighed. "But why are there rules anyway, to say what we have to do, and what we can't do?"  
  
"I don't know, Kaoru..."  
  
She touched the hair that lay spilled over my pillow, twirling it in her fingers. "I do... it's because someone did it once... and someone with more authority didn't like it... So maybe the person who made these stupid rules wasn't right at all. What if that were true?"  
  
"Kaoru... you're talking nonsense... you should be in bed."  
  
She shrugged and lay down next to me. "There... I am."  
  
"You know what I meant... this would be worth more than just a little guilt. This is dangerous." Regardless of what I was telling her, I knew that neither of us minded. I didn't mind her fingers in my hair, or the other hand clasping mine. I didn't mind her scent washing over me with the intoxicating feeling of our auras mixing.  
  
"You're getting better?" She whispered into my ear.  
  
I smiled faintly at the feeling of her breath on my ear. "I don't black out every few minutes when I am conscious, and I'm not in a coma anymore..." I tried so hard to steel my will into begging her to go, instead of making it impossible for both of us.  
  
She smiled and traced a random pattern on the base of my neck. Her smile faded slowly. "Kenshin?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I don't want you to go... even if it's wrong..."  
  
I sighed. "I would stay with you... but you said it yourself. It would break my heart."  
  
She shook her head. "Not like that... I don't really want to marry Hiro, even if it is my duty... even if it is what I agreed to do...But I can't help it... like a moth to the flame of a candle... I can't help it."  
  
"I know."  
  
She pushed herself up, propping her upper body up with her elbows, staring into my eyes.  
  
I stared back.  
  
She pushed herself up further, then leaned over and pressed her lips to mine.  
  
My mind raced, the reality of what she was doing striking me hard. I was frozen completely for a moment, before pressing against hers ever so softly.  
  
She pulled herself back, staring into my eyes. "But I'm going to do it Kenshin, aren't I? I don't like it at all... but I'm following these stupid, senseless rules..." She pushed herself up, and left the room, shutting the shoji with a light snap.  
  
I turned back to the ceiling and sighed, raising a hand to my lips. "But Love's not very sensible either, Kaoru..." I whispered to the night, which, very suddenly, was filled with sound.  
  
((()))  
  
A temple.  
  
A priest.  
  
I almost wanted to laugh at the cruel irony of things, and how they were playing out.  
  
A white kimono.  
  
A loud sound of jingling bells that tore at my eardrums.  
  
I was the epitome of absolute calm, kneeling in that damned temple.  
  
A prayer.  
  
It was a damned dream! It could be nothing else... It didn't feel real as I heard the priest speaking the ceremony.  
  
But even as I kneeled there, I knew it was too late. Kaoru and I had lost to Life and her cynical little game of dolls. We had let her take control, and then we all fell down as she cut us loose to deal with the consequences of not acting on what we should have.  
  
The small gathering of people watched as Hiro lifted the small cup of sake to his lips and drank his first sip.  
  
Kaoru took the cup and lifted it to her own.  
  
I closed my eyes. _Like the fireflies... We waited too long... saw each other in that last instant of light... And now we're falling..._I opened my eyes again to see Kaoru take her tiny sip.  
  
_And now... we've fallen into darkness..._  
  
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Note: It would be so terrible if I told you this was the last chapter... It would be very, very mean... so I'm not going to. In fact... this isn't. There's still another chapter, and the epilogue. I got the inspiration for the last part when I was walking back to the house from my aunt's house, and it was almost completely dark. I looked over into the trees and saw the fireflies blinking in the darkness and it was absolutely breathtaking. I decided to recap back to chapter five, with the whole discussion about fireflies and love... But if any of you know anything about fireflies, you know the one thing that does happen with them... their lights do go out... but... you'll find out next chapter. This would indeed be a good ending to the story... but I know that I would have cried if it were I reading it. I'm a sucker for good endings... but you'll see... Stick this out for one more chapter, please! I love you all for staying with me so long, and I pray you'll stick with me for one more chapter, and then for the epilogue... Please, please, please, don't abandon me now! I told you all many a time that this is a KK story, and it is. You just have to be a little patient... please...  
  
::realizes that none of her normal torture devices are going to satisfy anybody after this chapter:: Um... I'm going to... have to be handing over the good weapons now, aren't I? ::starts handing out long, long knives:: I hope this is good... really hope... just... don't use them on me! Or you won't have another chapter! A last chapter! Which will be a good one! ::coughs:: Well... you all know where Hiro is... ::points to him, who is quietly muttering his last rites in a corner:: Please don't kill him... I still need him next chapter... and I think he's starting to grow on me... maybe I'll keep him as a muse... 


	15. Revolution

Puppeteers  
  
Note: Yes... I've made it to the last chapter, and I'm not dead! Yes, I was convinced you were all going to kill me for that last chapter... There were definite attempts on my life, but I'm glad I'm still... alive... sort of... I'm actually in the car, driving to Virginia... eight hours... we're only maybe half an hour in, and I'm carsick. But, I'm writing this, and it's kinda... sad. I loved writing this story, but it has to end sometime, ne? I think you would all have really killed me if I had kept going with Kenshin's torment, anyway. Stick around after this chapter, and there's an epilogue to completely tie things up. I would like to thank all the people who have reviewed me throughout this entire story, even when I went through my spells where I disappeared, because Rhi-chan and I were both so busy that chapters wouldn't go up for a month... It means a lot that you guys have stuck with me through this story, which really saved me from insanity during the last part of Junior year... Every review made life worth it, and I can't thank you all enough for it. Special thanks to Koishii Sweet, MysticShadowWanderer, DarkAngelAhria, catti-dono, Kitty Katana, quirk, and all the others who stuck with me from the beginning (those are just the ones off the top of my head... the rest of you should know who you are, and I love you very much for sticking with me). You guys, simply put, rock. To the last chapter, raise your glasses and get ready. I hope I don't disappoint you all.  
  
Disclaimer: No, I'm not artistic enough to have created Rurouni Kenshin. My art is too surreal, and I don't draw manga very well... It's not mine! Don't sue!  
  
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Chapter Fifteen- Revolution  
  
_No!_ My mind was screaming, willing my body to act. _No! No, no, no!_ I clenched my fist, squeezing my eyes closed as I battled with myself.  
  
I opened my mouth to scream, but only the chant for blessing was coming out. I gripped my hakama, trying to say something. _Anything_.  
  
Hiro took the cup back, taking his second sip.  
  
Kaoru's hair was arranged, her robe spread on the floor as she kneeled, submissively taking the cup back. It wasn't like her at all, and I felt the knife in my heart give a terrible twist. She lifted it to her lips, and I saw a flash of pain in her eyes as she drank again.  
  
One final taste was left. Hiro was holding the cup, raising it one last time...  
  
My breathing was becoming labored. _I can't do this... I can't... We said we could... I can't._ I felt the demon in me winning over the side of me that wanted to avoid trouble.  
  
"I _can't_!" I cried out, standing before I even knew I had willed it.  
  
Hiro caught the cup before it smashed on the ground; though it was too late for the sake.  
  
Kaoru was on her feet in an instant with the reflexes I had always known she had. She had been hoping that I would do something, I knew by the relieved look she gave me.  
  
I was breathing heavily, staring directly into her deep blue eyes. "I can't, Kaoru..." I shook my head. "I'm sorry... but... I just _can't_."  
  
Hiro stood up, and I felt my heart falling through. I had just made things so much worse for Kaoru...  
  
He set down the cup on the altar. "I expected you to say something a long, long time ago, Himura-san." He smiled slightly, shaking his head. "But you're more stubborn than I thought you were."  
  
I stared at him. "What?" I choked out after a silent moment.  
  
Hiro took Kaoru's hand and helped her down the single step. He embraced her quickly. "Go on, Kaoru-chan... I knew you wanted to..."  
  
She stared at him. "I don't understand... I..."  
  
He shook his head again. "You always were too stubborn to do what you wanted, if you thought it would upset someone. Go."  
  
She took the smallest of steps back. "Hiro-kun..." She tripped on the edge of her kimono, falling backwards, where I caught her.  
  
Hiro smoothed his gi, staring down at the floor. "Himura-san..." He looked up at me, smiling as I helped Kaoru regain her balance. "Take care of her... she was very dear to me when we were young."  
  
"Hiro-dono..." I shook my head. "Thank you..."  
  
((()))  
  
_I'm dreaming..._ I thought, staring up at the star-speckled night sky. _But, if this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up...  
_  
Kaoru was sleeping peacefully in her room, and I had left her there when I knew she had fallen into her sweet somnolence. I exhaled slowly, my back pressed up to the wooden post. I flinched a bit at the pain in my back, but after I shifted I felt relief.  
  
"Himura-san..."  
  
"Hm?" I turned to face Hiro, who stood a few feet away.  
  
He gestured to the vast amount of space next to me. "May I sit down?"  
  
I almost laughed. "Hiro-dono, you needn't ask. It's not really my dojo, anyway."  
  
He smiled and settled on the boards, gazing silently up to the stars with me.  
  
It was strange, sitting there with him. That very morning, I would have been nervous that he would be hostile towards me. Even after the wedding had been stopped, I had been afraid he would be bitter towards me. But there he was, sitting calmly next to me as if nothing had ever happened that would have pitted us against each other.  
  
"I'm glad you said something." He said finally, the moonlight catching on the ebony of his hair.  
  
I turned my eyes down to glance at him. "Hiro-dono-"  
  
"Hiro." He corrected. "Just Hiro."  
  
"Hiro," I amended. "Why? It doesn't... it just doesn't fit." He had been haughty and arrogant when he had first come to the dojo almost two months before, and now he seemed... likeable.  
  
He looked down as well, smiling vaguely. "Kaoru and I grew up together. She was my best friend when I was little, and I would have given anything to make her happy." His smile brightened a bit at memory. "I think I was always in love with her. When she agreed to the courtship..." He sighed. "I don't think I was ever happier. I couldn't wait, so I asked her if it would be okay if we just lived a year apart, so that it may have gone by faster."  
  
"And then you came back here..."  
  
He nodded. "And I found that Kaoru's life had changed completely since I had asked her. She had new friends, and a man who had risked his life to keep her alive staying with her. I was suspicious, yes... and I heard rumors." Another sigh. "I thought that maybe I could change her back to who she had been. When she had been young and carefree. But my Kaoru was gone..."  
  
I watched him, battling with something inside myself. "I'm so sorry, Hiro." I cast my head down. "I didn't mean to... I even tried to stop it."  
  
"I don't think we have control of that, Himura-san."  
  
"If I can call you Hiro, you can call me Kenshin..." I sighed, a laugh in my throat. "Everyone else does..."  
  
He glanced up at me. "Him- Kenshin..." He shook his head. "I don't think you should be sorry... I was holding onto a memory of Kaoru." His eyes moved back up to the stars.  
  
"You told me that you had been afraid when you found out who I had been."  
  
"And you told me you didn't like to talk about it."  
  
"I don't... but it's nothing I can escape." I closed my eyes, screams suddenly echoing in my ears. "It's nothing I'm proud of."  
  
The sound of a soft laugh broke through the screaming of death. My eyes flew open.  
  
"Kenshin, it's that feeling you have that eases my fears for Kaoru." Hiro was smiling differently than before. It had been tinged with pain before, but now it was hopeful and kind. "I have never been in battle. I have never even held a sword... but I had heard stories of the killing demon..."  
  
"I never enjoyed it, you know."  
  
"I can assume so... you were young, I believe... But what I'm trying to say is that I may be a coward, but I can see that you're not what I thought you were. You took care of her when it would have been so easy to allow the situation to be hopeless."  
  
I was silent, watching him as he fidgeted with his gi. "I'm going back to Osaka tomorrow." He announced quietly. "I was there for a long time... I work for a merchant there, and I think it would be better if I did stay there."  
  
"Hiro... you don't have to. It would be terrible if I were to ask you to... It's not any trouble, really."  
  
He stood up slowly. "You both have my blessings... She loves you more than anything I've ever seen. I knew it when she went after you... You're a very, very lucky man."  
  
I stood up slowly next to him. "I will take care of her..." I whispered to him. "But I can't find the words to thank you enough..."  
  
As the young man turned to back from walking toward his room, he smiled. "I always wanted to make her happy... who am I to keep her from the person who makes her truly happy?"  
  
I watched as he stepped into his room, sliding the shoji shut. I stood, staring where he had been for several moments, before slipping back into Kaoru's room.  
  
She stirred when I had been leaning against her wall, watching her, for a few moments. "Kenshin...?" She murmured upon seeing me.  
  
"Yes?" I whispered, leaning over to touch her cheek.  
  
Her fingers reached for mine, sliding them together like two puzzle pieces sliding into place. "You're here..." She whispered.  
  
I smiled at her, moving to lie next to her. "I'm here, Kaoru... I'm here to stay."  
  
I never went back to my room that night, lying there with Kaoru. We never spoke a word, just stared up at the ceiling in absolute silence.  
  
Just before dawn broke, I rolled onto my side and stared into Kaoru's eyes. "Kaoru... are you awake?"  
  
She nodded, "Yes."  
  
"Come with me..." I whispered, helping her to her feet and off of the futon.  
  
I led her to the yard, directing her to look to the east sky. We stood there quietly as the sun rose, brilliant shades of pink, orange, and yellow.  
  
"Kaoru..."  
  
She looked back up at me, smiling faintly. "Hai, Kenshin?"  
  
I took her hand. "Remember the fireflies? What I told you..."  
  
She looked sad for a moment. "Yes..." She paused, then continued. "That they only had a brief light to find their love... and if they failed in that light... then they had lost their chance... But, Kenshin-"  
  
I held a finger to her lips. "Sh..." I smiled at her as the first rays of the rising sun struck her. "I forgot something then... about fireflies..." I squeezed her hand. "Their lights go out... leaving them in complete darkness for a moment, where they fall into absolute desolation." I pulled her into my chest, holding her close. "But their lights always, always, come back... Things may be different from when they last had light to see... but their lights come back, and they can see again..." I took a long inhaling breath, full of her scent.  
  
"I didn't make the same mistake twice... once I got that light back..."  
  
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Note: Okay! Now! All in unison! ::listens to the collective 'awwww' from her muses:: Now... didn't I tell you it would be KK? Aren't you all glad you kept me alive? ::bounces:: I liked this chapter a lot... not because it's the end, but because I tied things up a bit (getting ready for the epilogue), and I got to do what I intended from the beginning... Make Hiro a decent guy... I was kinda sad that I never managed it when I created the story initially, because I wanted it to be hard for Kenshin to hate him... but I like this too... ::hugs Hiro:: I think I'm keeping him now... he makes a good muse... ::hugs all her reviewers:: Thank you all! Please leave me reviews, and IF YOU HAVEN'T VOTED, PLEASE DO SO! I have to know in your review for this chapter, or the epilogue, because after that... well, that's when I start writing. So far, The Samurai Wives is really looking to be the next story (aren't I glad that I have a chapter and a half done already...). But the others are just as worthy in my eyes... After that, I think I really want to write the untitled fantasy story... if you guys like it enough for me to write it...  
  
Thank you all so much for reading this child of mine, and I hope you keep on the look out for the epilogue (it should be up tomorrow), as well as the first chapter of the new story, which may be up as early as Monday. I hope to see you all there! Please leave us reviews! ::hugs poor Hiro, who glances at her suspiciously:: No, no, dear... I won't let them kill you... I keep my muses safe... ::hands out RK chibi dolls to all reviewers who missed them in the past:: I know so many people who came in late wanted some... ::poofs Hiro into cute kitty ears and hands him a large basket of muffins, and begins to hand them out with him:: I love muffins... I hope you guys do too... See you in the epilogue! 


	16. Epilogue

Puppeteers

Note: ::bounces:: Everything about this story makes me happy… except the typos… which I will one day fix. When I'm bored enough. I'm so happy about all of you reviewing me… it's… a dream come true to have so many reviewers and fans… and so many reviews, period! I honestly thought this story would flop… especially because of the angst I had built the entire plot line from… In fact… I built this entire story off of the song 'Seven Miles From the Sun', which is a Maroon 5 song. Very cool song. This entire story is based off of that particular song… which spawned what was going to be a one-shot story about Kenshin watching Kaoru get married to the wrong man, but feeling too unworthy to say anything about it… and then I kept thinking about it, developing that one scene over and over. I debated throwing it away (and I actually trashed the idea for the story twice), until I was over at Rhi-chan's house one day, and she gave me a huge stack of one-subject notebooks and a pencil. My insomnia took over, and my muses caught a huge bout of inspiration. I picked up the pencil and wrote the first chapter in half an hour. Within two hours, I'd written the first three chapters into the notebook. I put it on hold until they were typed and posted. When they went up, I was surprised that they were doing well, and ended up rushing to get more done… eventually, I stopped using the notebook and just started writing the chapters straight onto the computer, cutting Rhi-chan's job out of the picture. Still, she was an essential part of this story, and it would not have been possible without her. This story was my solace from the agony of my Junior year (as I've said before), and became the outlet for my stress. Thank you all for everything, and I hope you like this final piece of my story! The next story appears to be 'The Samurai Wives', which is already up. Also up, as some of you may know by now, is what is going to be a short fantasy story titled 'Voix'. This one is different from the fantasy story I had in the poll, but I hope you all enjoy it, never the less.

Disclaimer: It's not mine… even though I love the characters so much. Please don't sue me!

cyberdemon- That night is supposed to be shrouded in mystery (I wanted everyone to use their imaginations as to what happened), but if you read the chapter afterwards, I do leave a few clues as to what I intended.

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Epilogue

'I cannot forget what it feels to regret, I'm so glad I met you. And you take my breath away, make every day worth all of the pain that I've gone through…'

-Maroon 5 'Seven Miles to the Sun'

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I tilted my head back to the sky, letting the sun shine warmly onto it. The dojo was quiet, with Sano off gambling, and Yahiko working at Tae's restaurant. The sweet bliss of peace blanketed over me, all the darkness of the past exactly where it belonged. In the past.

"Kenshin?" Kaoru's voice was soft as she stepped into the yard, where I was pinning clothes up to the line.

"Aa?" I replied, smiling as I turned to her. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, cotton yukata tied firmly around her waist.

She stepped into the yard and hugged me quickly. "I just wanted to make sure things are still real…"

It was a new tradition between us. Ever since our brush with eternal separation, she had taken to touching me every morning in order to make sure I was real. I smiled and touched her cheek tenderly.

"Yes, Kaoru… I'm still real… everything is still real… It has been for months now."

It was coming close to three months since Hiro had gone back to Osaka.

"Oh…" She smiled and held up a letter she had been holding. "Hiro sent a letter… it's addressed to you." She held it out to me, and I took it slowly.

"Thank you…" I slid it into my sleeve to read moments later. "But why don't you change into a kimono? Or at least your training clothes… it's getting to be too cold for a yukata."

She smiled and weaved her fingers between mine. "You sound like a mother…"

I smiled at her, squeezing her hand. "But if you get sick…" I trailed off.

"Then you can nurse me back to health, ne?" Her smile was beautiful.

I felt a pang of regret, knowing that I had taken some part of her innocence. A piece of her childish grace that had always been part of her personality. I regretted that it was I, the one stained with the blood of men, who was going to be spending his life with the lovely woman who believed in swords that gave life.

A smile was what I offered her, pulling her into my chest. "Right." I was complete, with her in my arms. Everyday of my atonement could be spent with Kaoru, and it would help to make my guilt bearable. In just three months of having her with me, loving me with no negative influences on our relationship, life was already considerably brighter.

I could see hope in the future for both of us.

"Kenshin?" She murmured from my chest.

I glanced down at her, stroking her cheek slowly with one finger. "Hai?"

She seemed content listening to my heartbeat, for she did not answer. Her eyes were closed gracefully.

"Why don't we read Hiro's letter?" I asked her, smiling.

She nodded, and we settled onto the floorboards outside the house. I opened the letter slowly and carefully, careful not to rip it.

I unfolded it and cleared my throat.

"Kenshin,

It was a pleasure to receive the letter containing the invitation to your wedding with Kaoru-chan. I do believe that I will be able to make it, and I look forward to seeing you both. I have complete confidence that you are taking care of her, just as you promised. You are not a man who would go back on his word, especially about something so important as your fiancée. My best wishes to you both in your preparations for the wedding to come! Once again, I look forward to seeing you at your wedding!

Regards,

Tsukino Hiro"

She smiled. "I think he's doing well." She paused. "I'm glad he's coming to the wedding."

I nodded, combing her hair out with my fingers. "So am I… Very glad."

She leaned against me. I had never imagined that life could be so… complete. Never in all my life. Even when I had lived with Hiko carving my true name in the bark of a secret tree. Not when I lived in the inn as an assassin, and then in the house of a farmer with Tomoe. When she was gone, the hole in my heart had widened to where all my hopes for the future were dashed.

I never thought life would get better again when I wandered for ten years, and at the end of ten years, I stepped into Tokyo. A young kendo instructor, a woman defending her school's honor, attacked me with a wooden sword. I went home with her to patch her up, and found myself living with her. I brought her a student, and I never knew the truth about her. She had never told me about her courtship with another man, and I fell in love with her. Maybe I would have anyway. She followed me to Kyoto to tell me I would be fighting another foe I hadn't expected, and we ended up tangled in Life's strings on us. Then we took control of ourselves, and became our own puppeteers.

I still should have known that something would have happened that night.

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Note: I think I'm going to cry… I didn't know how I was going to end the epilogue… but this just seems right. I'm overwhelmed by the sheer… emotion of this moment, as I write my final words to you for this story. As I keep saying, I have great emotional bonds to this story. When it first went over the highest amount of reviews I'd ever gotten (at 56), I was thrilled. When the reviews went over 100, I was ecstatic. As the number of reviews mounted, I began to see what a response I was getting… I was absolutely overwhelmed. Now, as I write this, the last time I checked my review count for this story, I have 202 reviews. This has been a dream come true for me, who has dreamed of so many reviews since I first joined ff.net with my original pen name (and another account), way back when (I think it was November of 2000). You guys are… incredible. ::hugs everyone again, handing them tiny Kenshin puppets:: Thank you all so much for making my dream come true with this story. Please return for my next story, and I hope to see you all there!

-Bando-Eido no Megami-sama


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